Fuck solitary trees in the forest. Is bae still bae if no one is willing to call bae "bae"?
That's just one of the many existential crisis-inducing questions currently wreaking havoc on our minds after hearing about Marmite's unabashed refusal to allow customers to send their "bae" a personalized Valentines jar of Marmite with said pet name.
In fact, the iconic 113 year-old spread—comprised mainly of brewer's yeast—has announced they will be banning a total of three "stomach-curdling pet names" from their personalized Valentine's Day jars. The unpalatable names in question? Bae, Baby Cakes, and Snookums.
Marmite brand manager Philippa Atkinson explained in a statement to Mashable, "We appreciate that Marmite is a spread best enjoyed at breakfast, and nobody wants a side helping of nausea first thing in the morning, so we thought it made perfect sense to ban the most hated pet names." Atkinson even went so far as to say, "Who knows, we may even be responsible for saving some relationships along the way."
— Marmite (@marmite) February 1, 2016
Is it officially time for the Marmite-loving baes of this world to go cray? Marmite certainly seems to think not. Their statement cites a One Poll survey, which asked 2,000 adult Brits about their least-favorite pet names. "Baby cakes," "Snookums," and "Bae" were the least favorite terms of endearment used in the UK.
Incidentally, "sweetness," "honey," and—get this—"treacle" were the most-loved pet names and only garnered around 1.8 percent of the "I-hate-these-names" vote.
Marmite takes Valentine's Day pretty seriously. In the past, they have even come out with a special Champagne-tinged version of the yeasty spread. We're a little surprised that one of the world's most polarizing foodstuffs is this exacting about the inscriptions on their jars. But then again, maybe not being able to call someone "bae" via a jar of viscous brown spread isn't the worst of things. Just take a look at the sage advice left on MUNCHIES Facebook page by one reader.
And just in case any endeavoring lovers out there haven't gotten their daily bae fill, they can gaze upon this ungodly bae-centric tweet from Burger King.