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Eddie Huang's Dinner Dream Team

Has Optimus Prime and Alexis Texas on it.
April 20, 2012, 12:00pm

Eddie Huang is the kind of guy with whom you want to eat, chill, party, and—if you watched his Munchies episode—go to the Turkish baths… maybe after smoking a little weed. Because who you eat with is every bit as important as what you eat, we asked Eddie who he wants to get down and dirty with at the dinner table.

Top 5 People to Eat With

1) It's Killa Dog If I get a meal request, it's crab legs with Killa at the Lindenwood Diner. You already know wuts poppin' boy boy.

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2) Charles Barkley Shit, the Crisco Kid has been #1 on this list since he was sneaking' hamburgers through Auburn Dorm Room windows, but he's been on this weight watchers Lucky Cheng's tip lately. Whats really good, Charles? You shoulda stayed on that running stop signs with whip wop heads game. Put down your broccolis, cop a steak, and chuck a deuce, B!

3) Sam Sifton Man, I HATE eating with white people! They always get mad at me for tipping 18 percent! I'm like, "Chill son, this waiter looked at me funny when I didn't want bottled or sparkling, smudged my Pumas walking to table three, and Mamma raised me this way!" BUT, Sifton is dope. We could go to KFC. He could do his Double Down thing, I could grab two chicken pot pies, and we don't got to tip nobody. It's a DATE.

Yo for real though, I tip 18 percent—no more no less—it's a movement. All y'all blackjack mofuckers hold at 17, I'm askin' you… can I live? Eighteen is the movement. Can't nobody say shit about 18, lets go! And if it's Seamless, I don't care if you got three bags in your hand, you're gettin' three dollars. Seamless delivery guys are like fullbacks, they get three yards and then fall all over themselves.

4) Optimus Prime For real, Optimus Prime is the ORIGINAL KNOWLEDGE GOD. The Kid Mero will tell you this dude INVENTED knowledge darts. I want to eat chicken wings and fried rice with Optimus Prime then axe him why he let Nelson Shin murk him off in the first ten minutes of The Transformers: The Movie. For real, that was the first movie I cried like a bitch in. I couldn't even eat gummy bears that day because my stomach was in knots. Also, I want to confirm that Optimus Prime is Asian. His voice sounds like James Earl Jones, but those red Transformers logos look like Chinese stamps! I got to KNOW, son.

5) Alexis Texas All together now, kids: ALEXIS TEXAS WITH A SPOON! WITH A SPOON! WITH A SPOON!