Celebrities do weird things.
Some of them broke the internet this year.
But the considerate kind taught us about our relationship with food in 2014, from the proper way to drink coffee and weed-infused wine, create a delicious meal from rotten vegetables, and of course, make love to your ingredients, too.
Kelis, for example, schooled us on how to be complete jerks in the kitchen with her homemade spicy Jamaican sauce. According to the musician/chef, "jerk sauce brings life to anything you put it on." She also showed us how to make fig and onion glaze that you should pour over everything, save for a brand new pair of shoes.
Speaking of spilling hot liquids: As if learning that the return of Twin Peaks wasn't enough, David Lynch sat down with us to discuss his philosophy on coffee drinking. One cup is never enough, and neither are eight, apparently.
Yet when we needed something a bit more potent to sip on, we looked no further than singer-songwriter, Melissa Etheridge. A self-proclaimed "gangjapreneur" who is trailblazing the weed industry with her brand-new weed-infused wine, Etheridge believes that sipping on a glass of marijuana-infused merlot will induce a "certain warmth that will start to spread." But unlike David Lynch's prescription for multiple cups of caffeine, Melissa believes that you should chill out on your vino intake and limit yourself to one glass. A few too many, and your head will be full of regret the next morning.
So what, exactly, is the best hangover cure? Luckily, actor John Ratzenburger had the answer, which began with a story involving rotten vegetables. In the early years as a struggling actor in London (before his days on Cheers), Ratzenburger lived in an abandoned building in Primrose Hill. At the end of every day, he'd run to his local corner store where the grocer had saved all of the rotten fruits and vegetables for John. Cabbage, unlike most vegetables, could probably survive an apocalypse—it never seems to go off—which is where his inspired, hearty dish of cabbage and bacon was born. According to Ratzenburger, "I think that's how we know that God wants us to be happy; it's not because he invented beer, but because he invented bacon to go with it." We couldn't agree more.
When we wanted to get to the sweet side of the kitchen, there was only one person to talk to: Power of Wu-Tang Clan. The iconic rapper revealed a serious weakness when he spoke to us about something that no one can fuck with: dessert. From strawberry and banana ice cream to anything with coconut and a drizzle of hot sauce, we learned that the skilled lyricist also moonlights as a great chef (thanks to his mom).
But beyond the façade of the glitz and glamor that can come with the title of being a celebrity, we must remember that nothing lasts forever, unless you're resourceful, innovative, and willing to shift with the times. That's where former Real World cast member, David Broom, comes in. We accidentally stumbled upon David's YouTube videos (he's now known as "Chef Showtime") for the uncanny musical resemblance to R. Kelly songs. You should just watch this butter video to see what we're talking about. "Footlong Foreplay" is another banger that will probably hit all of the clubs in 2015, if Chef Showtime can bribe enough music execs with steamy meatball grinders.
Famous people, we would have eaten some crappy meals and chugged some disgusting things without your help in 2014. We're not sure how to repay you, but we've barely gotten started, so check back in 2015 to see who ends up schooling us, again.
John Waters, are you reading this?