Yesterday, an EDM blog published a ranking of Dance Music's "30 Under 30." Somehow, that list managed to include exactly two females, the Krewella sisters, leaving the list at a whopping total of 3.3% female representation. The list was otherwise populated by male agents and artists that EDM blog bros hope to fist-bump at the next industry mixer.
Women aren't the only group that are systematically ignored and under-represented, though. This industry relies on a whole class of silent underdogs who slave tirelessly for little recognition. It's time for them to get some shine. Here's the real 30 under 30 of the dance music world:
30. The Officially Designated Hugger at Breakfast Raves (Photo via Youtube)
Because you help yuppie investment bankerschugging kale smoothies to Kygo remixes feel so much more alive.
29. The Horses That Gave Up Painkillers So That Hot Creations Could Make Music (Photo via: Sickchirpse.com)
Somewhere, there's a Clydesdale in a world of hurt.
28. Washed-Up Reality TV Stars Turned DJs (Photo via Eclipse Entertainers)
We've said it before: when life hands you lemons, learn how to use Ableton!
27. Coachella Port-A-Potty Attendent (Photo via Dailyencouragement.net)
For making sure we never have to follow our own advice about not taking shits at festivals.
26. The Reject Line of Berghain (Photo via bz-berlin.de)
You make millions of articles like this possible.
25. Kid DJs (Photo via earhustle411.com)
You're the next generation. We believe in you!
24. Tiesto's Dermatologist (Photo via Rukes.com)
If you look closely, you can actually see the Jäger seeping from the man's pores
23. Table Service Bros (Photo via Brobible.com)
Free booze! Free booze for anyone who says you're awesome or has ladyparts!
22. Ghost Producers (Photo via Ehow.com)
21. The Kid in Indonesia We Paid to Ghost-Write This Article (Photo via Wikia.com)
We're processing your payment, bud.
You may have failed high school, but you're one hell of a drug dealer.
(Photo via Searchpp.com)
Nobody expected you to still be around, but you are. We're not even mad, we're impressed.
18. Carnage's Towel (Photo via Zazzle.com)
God damn. The man sweats guacamole!
17. PR Interns (Photo via EDMjobs.com)
Your fortitude in the face of ignored emails is thoroughly commendable.
16. @DJsComplaining (Photo via DJsComplaining)
Still the best thing on Twitter.
15. Kids Who Vape in Clubs (Photo via Vaperev)
Because they always have drugs (Even though it's probably PMA.)
14. General Counsel Tasked with Wunderground Cease and Desists (Photo via Wundrground)
You have your work cut out for you.
13. Dirtybird's Dietitian
(Photo via LisaLeePhotos.com)
For making sure they get their vitamins in between all that barbecue and booze.
12. Alison Wonderland Fans (Photo via Inthemix.au.com)
Swear to God, we have never seen a more respectful Instagram comments section.
11. #SHIPFAM (Photo via Twitter)
You call it "cabin fever," we call it "syphilis"
10. Skrillex's Hairdresser (Photo via Billboard.com)
We can only assume you haven't left his side since 2011.
9. DVBBS (Photo via Hype.my)
8. Nicolas Jaar's Barista (Photo via HeraldSun.Au.com)
Rumor has it that he puts .0001 grams of LSD in his quadruple espresso every morning. Hey, whatever keeps the guy productive.
7. The EDM Streaker (Photo via EDMliveset.com)
We love you.
6. Uncredited Nightlife Photographers (Photo via ThatDrop.com)
5. People Who Respond to "U awake?" Texts at 6 AM (Photo via Corbis)
Because we just want to chill and listen to music. You feel, fam?
4. Internet Collectives (Photo via Harry Enfield)
How many people does it take to make a trapical-future-bass-house track?
3. The Horny Teenager Who Controls Diplo's Twitter (Photo via Andy Milonakis)
You're killing it.
2. Whoever Makes Those "Party With Sluts" Shirts (Photo via People of Walmart)
It has never been easier to spot virgins.
1. YourEDM (Photo via YourEDM.com)
For reminding us that the two hours spent writing this article were worth it to bring attention to the fact that the music industry doesn't have to be a shortsighted whiteboy circlejerk.