Stylist’s Assistants: Nikki Gonzalez and Scarlet Giesbrecht Versus dress, SpiritHoods hat; American Apparel dress, Spirit Hoods hat
Our resolution for 2011 is to cull the boring “this town sucks” whiners from our pool of friends so we can focus our full attention on the ones who turn another year with nothing to do from “Oh my” and “A boo-hoo” into “Woo-hoo” and “Give me some more K.” H&M top, Volcom shorts, Tommy Hilfiger sandals, vintage sunglasses from Beacon’s Closet, Michael Kors belt, Céline purse;
Marc Jacobs top, Converse sneakers, Ricky’s NYC wig, Versace sunglasses, Roxy belt, Hello Kitty bracelets Jesus, could these two have summer any more under control? Even their negatives are making me wonder how hard it would be to fake owning a yacht. Element top, American Apparel leggings, Leg Avenue tights, The Sock Man socks, Opening Ceremony boots, Silly Bandz bracelets The one good part of dressing up like a Hello Kitty juggalogre is that most of us have been conditioned since childhood to avoid disturbing your slumber. Etro shirt, Matix shorts, vintage sunglasses from Beacon's closet, Silly Bandz bracelet; vintage shirt from What Goes Around Comes Around, H&M shorts I envy the currently nonexistent fetus who someday gets to whip out this picture and say, “Here’s my mom and dad before I was born.” adidas jacket, Burton t-shirt, O’Neill jeans, Nike sneakers, G-Unit hat, Topshop suspenders These jean wars have really got to stop. All the waffling between tight and baggy has left the vanguard of the pants community looking like two circus midgets trying to sneak into an R-rated movie. Gucci robe, vintage shirt from Screaming Mimi’s, Still Life hat, Emu slippers, Tom Ford sunglasses, American Apparel belt Don’t feel guilty, guy. This is exactly what you’re supposed to do when you come into a lot of cash: Wake up at 5 PM, assemble a uniform of leftover party scraps, and devote the better part of the day to figuring out who “that chick with the weird eyes” was from last night. Trash & Vaudeville jacket, World Famous t-shirt, BDG shirt, HUE tights, Levi’s jeans, Opening Ceremony boots, Coal Headwear hat; Wrangler jacket, Artful Dodger shirt, custom vintage jeans by Jessica Resler, Converse sneakers Yikes! It’s those spooky Nazi kids from the Village of the Denimed! Element hoodie and t-shirt, C1rca shorts, Royal Elastics sneakers, Wilson sunglasses, vintage necklaces from Beacon’s Closet When Larry David said, “You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes,” it made Afrika Bambaataa so mad he lost 200 pounds and became young. Harley Davidson vest and bandana, Chanel top, Gap jeans This is what it looks like ten minutes before you die from a condom full of heroin exploding in your stomach. Extending that moment into a 15-year cloud of anaphylactic shock and forehead sweat is about as masochistic a look as you can pull off while still holding down a job at Hot Topic.