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Guide to Dubai

Baba Vanga’s Predictions of “Natural Disasters”

This old baboushka was a blind Bulgarian who lived in the mountains all her life, from 1911 to 1996.

This old baboushka was a blind Bulgarian who lived in the mountains all her life, from 1911 to 1996. She was known as a prophetic clairvoyant. Her followers believed she had paranormal abilities including telepathy and being able to communicate with aliens. Apparently Baba Vanga accurately predicted numerous world events including: the Chernobyl disaster, Princess Diana's death, 9/11, North Korea's attack on South Korea in November 2012, and even the exact date of her own death, years before it had naturally occurred.


Regardless of whether this is all true or not, and regardless of what you choose to believe, her predictions for the next millennia are pretty entertaining. The following is what Baba Vanga has prophesied for the planet Earth itself:

2023: The Earth's orbit will change.

Okay. That is in eleven more years. What the fuck does this mean? Well, it depends on how dramatically the Earth's orbit decides to change. Many of the past mass extinctions are linked to climate changes due to variations of the Earth's orbit. Global warming is salient evidence for this prediction to be true. In fact, it is plausible enough that some astronomers today are working on being able to haul the Earth to a better orbit. I guess this actually isn't that big of deal. It would just mean we'd have to go through a lot of inconveniences, such as: tsunamis, earthquakes, avalanches, blah, blah, been there done that, boring.

2033: The world water levels will rise as the polar ice caps melt.

Already happening. "2033" my ass Baba Vanga.

2066: The U.S. uses a new climate-changing weapon on Muslim controlled Rome.

This is fucking weird, and doesn't have much of an explanation to go along with it. Politics aside, weather modification is already quite a familiar concept in contemporary society. Cloud seeding is used all over the world, by ski resorts, the agricultural industry, and by numerous federal governments. Totally not weird at all. 2084: Nature is reborn.(?)


Can you even imagine what the fuck this even means? No comment.

2100: Man-made sun is lighting up the dark side of the planet.

Scientists are already working on creating an artificial sun. It begins with a 1.2 billion dollar nuclear fusion experiment, which has been underway since at least 2008.

2130: With the help of the aliens, civilizations we will live underwater.

That's kind of a big leap ahead. Or is it? Sounds like fun, I guess?

2170: Major drought.

So basically the world becomes Africa.

2187: Two large volcanic eruptions will be successfully stopped.

Doesn't really matter though because it looks like we're fucked from here on in:

2201: Temperatures drop as the sun's thermonuclear processes slow down.

2262: Planets will slowly change orbits. Mars will be threatened by a comet.

2354: An accident on the artificial sun will result in more drought.

2480: Two artificial (man-made) suns will collide and leave the Earth in the dark.

3005: A war on Mars will change the trajectory of the planet.

3010: A comet will hit the moon. The Earth will be surrounded by a ring of rock and ash.

3797: By this time, everything on Earth will die. However, human civilization will be advanced enough to move to a new star system.

As you can imagine, this is only a small portion of many of Baba Vanga's predictions. Humans become androids. Androids breed with aliens. Animals become part human. All the while, the spirit of humanity has less and less to do with its connection to this fucking planet named Earth. So you know, how much can one measly thunderstorm really hurt?