
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Yes, me. I am looking for a team. Here are my criteria: a. Good guys. Obviously, the team should have likable players. And by likable, I mean no known rapists. A funny guy with a blog or a Twitter account would also be a plus. b. Not Manchester United/ Manchester City. Or, whatever the equivalent of Manchester United is. The rich team that is always good that no one likes except people from that city and/or glory hunters. c. Not Stoke City. Or, whatever the equivalent of Stoke is. The cheap team that does just enough to survive and no one likes because they're horrible year in year out and play ugly football. d. "Pretty" American football. Define this how you want, but ideally, something pleasurable to watch that does not end in 7-7 each week. (Is that a dull score?) e. Good kits. Maybe I wear the shirt or something to the bar during the game or around the house. Would be better to look cool. So basically, if you could start it all over again and didn’t have to support the team from whichever God forsaken American wasteland you are from (Tampa Bay), which team would you support? I am looking for pluck, Sir. And maybe a hilarious British connection… OK, that’s enough I think. Your help and guidance on these things is, as ever, much appreciated. I’ll end with the customary rousing chorus of “Rule Britannia”: Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves!
Britons never, ever, ever shall be slaves! -Oscar THE RESPONSE Dear Oscar,
Advertisement
Offense:
a. Quarterback (throws the ball): Strong leader, tall, George Washington-y.
b. Running Back (runs the ball): Low to the ground, shifty, quick.
c. Wide Receiver (catches the ball): Arrogant beyond belief, for some reason, always.
d. Lineman (block for a, b, & c.): Big and smart.
e. Tight-End (1/2 lineman, 1/2 receiver): Big and versatile. Defense:
a. Lineman (kill the quarterback): Big and mean.
b. Linebacker (control the middle, behind the lineman): Medium-sized, stocky, fast.
c. Secondary (cover the receivers): Small and quick. Would be receivers if they could catch. 3. Being fat.
Advertisement
Advertisement