Dolce & Gabbana Have Finally Made a Perfume for Babies

A weekly roundup of anything fashion-related that's made us excited about having bodies that we can dress with clothes.

JW ANDERSON X TOPSHOP: RELOADED

Has it really been a year since the last JW for Topshop collection? Scary. It feels like IDK three months ago that I was instagramming pictures of myself in my new kilt. For once I’ve got nothing but love to spread about this Topshop collaboration, although I worry for JW and whether or not this is good for him. Anyway. The last collection boasted a lot of items that had been made in England which is very cool, and not only was it relatively ethical (RELATIVELY ok?) it was also incredibly well considered as a high street capsule collection. As long as the few it-items were avoided, there was little worry of bumping into someone wearing the same top (remember the floral Kate Moss for Topshop dress epidemic? Of course you do). It also sort of helps that they release the collections on the first day of London Fashion Week so the only people who can get out of work to go are the international fashion press who immediately pack them up and fly far far away. If you buy online, remember that the sizing comes up large. Ok god I’m going to stop being nice now, what has happened to me.

BE A BIG SCHOTT LIKE CLIVE

Schott is a brand that’s been awaiting a comeback for some time now. The fact is, looking on Ebay and the like, a lot of its output is confined to the kind of leather flying jackets that middle aged men who fly gliders on their weekends would wear. However, one VICE staffer is determined to rock that “satellite town drum ‘n’ bass” DJ look hard this Winter/Spring season. The famous Schott bomber jacket is an American classic that’s been re-appropriated by urban British youth icons from Neneh Cherry to Kenzie. They might be rare in this day and age, but they’re warm, durable and stylish. See them as the next logical step from the Dalston bomber. Just don’t be surprised if people start putting their iPhones away if they see you on the street.

IT'S FINALLY HERE – PERFUME FOR BABIES

"Let me squeeze you and extract your scent, small baby"

Just when you thought 8-year-olds queuing up to smell like Justin Bieber’s girlfriend was bad enough, Dolce & Gabbana have decided to launch a new fragrance aimed at an even younger market. "Younger than eight?" you say? Yes, grandpa, this is "eau de bebe". That’s right, perfume for babies; inspired by the "softness of baby skin, the freshness of baby breath, a mother’s sweet hug, and the first smile". Thanks to D&G, the sweet, sweet smell of freshly squeezed baby is now available in a bottle. Um, finally! Designed to "enhance" the child’s "natural smell" (poop and puke?), Dolce & Gabbana claim that their scent that can "cuddle and pamper every boy and girl". I’m not sure why any loving parent would feel the need to spray their defenseless newborn with toxic chemicals which, essentially, are made to smell exactly like baby BO anyway. What worries me more is the idea of women who wear the baby scent to smell younger, which is, I assume, the actual intention because oh wait a second BABIES DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. If you think D&G baby perfume is a little tacky, Burberry, Bulgari, and L’Occitane also have scents on the market especially designed for your rancid child.

THE DRESS EQUIVALENT OF A PERVY PEN

You know those mugs that strip a woman naked as you pour in your coffee, or those pens you discovered in year 7 that reveal boobies when you turn them upside-down? Dutch designer Daan Roosegaarde’s new fashion invention has trumped them all. His “Intimacy 2.0” dress uses wireless technology to detect sexual arousal due to an increase in heart rate. His aim? A dress that acts as a human mating-call by becoming completely see through by the time you’re ready to bone. But if this is all working according to an increased heart rate, I dread to think what might happen when you work up a sweat running for the bus… Roosegaarde explains that “Technology is used here not merely functionally but also as a tool to create intimacy as well as privacy on a direct, personal level which in our contemporary tech society is becoming increasingly important.” I guess that the age-old tradition of tugging at your bra straps and biting your lip is so last century.

AGYNESS DEYN X DR. MARTENS

The second collection from Agyness Deyn and Dr. Martens is released this month, running off of the last collection’s success which included the immediately sold-out Dr Marten platform creeper, and clothes that have a distinctively 70’s British look.

Despite the Britishness of both Dr. Martens and the previous collection, the only inspiration Deyn cites this time round is the Harajuku Girls of Tokyo, a four piece Japanese-American dance group who support Gwen Stefani. The Harajuku Girls themselves find their influences in British sub-cultures, punk, goth, y’know, all the hardcore stuff. In a way, I suppose, the inspiration has gone full circle.

One constant feature of the collection is the image of an eye, which is apparently Agyness’ own, though not in any creepy starey way, just in a soft, feminine style to create abstract patterns. Both the shoes and the clothes in the new range are summery; dresses reminiscent of school days and classic Dr. Martens sandals in lighter shades. Read last week's Fashion Tidbits