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I mean, as a kid it must have been everywhere. Like, I don’t know – on a bus? Maybe. I was very subtle; no one saw.You're an expert wanker.
Well, yeah. I don’t do it that much any more. I had enough practice when I was a kid.Have you ever been caught?
You know what, I have never been caught. Well, not to my knowledge. I mean, someone may have caught me and left without me noticing. I've walked in on someone before, but that's too traumatic to talk about. It was truly fucked up.Thanks, Ahmed. I'll watch myself next time I get on the bus.

No! Well, ah, no, I wouldn’t say that, but I don’t know? The thought of it makes me puke.
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Yeah. Well, I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago, so you know.Have you ever walked in on someone masturbating?
Kind of. I walked in on two people having sex. It was my mate and her boyfriend in her bedroom and I was asleep on the top bunk. They were making heaps of noise and the bed was shaking – it was so awkward.Were you angry at them the next day?
No, I just kind of laughed at them.That's always the best course of action.

Well, I had a bit of help. It was in Chile. That’s all I’m going to give you.I think that's the most enigmatic wank I've ever heard about. Has anyone ever caught you in the act?
No, thank god. I think I might have caught one of my friends at school once, though. I walked into the room and noticed him reacting hastily to something, but I didn't really think anything of it. Now I realise that he was definitely masturbating.


No. It was not a sexy place. I wasn't really getting any sex there so that was my only option.Fair enough.Previously - How Do You Feel About Combining Sex and Food?