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Thoughts on Steak and Blowjob Day, from a Woman Who Teaches a Class on Steak and Blowjob Day

I hope your meat is tenderized and your balls are clean, because today is Steak and Blowjob Day.
March 14, 2014, 6:01pm

My wife disputed the holiday this morning, saying "no holiday is legit without holiday music." Well, here's a really stupid theme song for today.

I hope your meat is tenderized and your balls are clean, because today is Steak and Blowjob Day. If you haven’t heard, S&BJ Day is an annual holiday where men sit around eating red meat and getting blown. Its origins are something of a mystery, but Kelly Shibari, 2013 BBW EXXXOTICA Performer of the Year and S&BJ expert, thinks it can be traced back to a horny DJ in the pre-internet era. Yesterday, Kelly hosted a Steak and Blowjob workshop in Santa Barbara, California, for couples looking to prepare for the big day. We figured she would be the perfect person to speak to on this sacred occassion, so we caught up with her after the class to discuss the Japanese version of Steak and Blowjob Day, whether gay men or porn stars give better hummers, and how vile and disease-ridden most penises in mainstream society are.

VICE: What do you know about Steak and Blowjob Day?
Kelly Shibari: I heard about the holiday in college—possibly even before the internet was big. I remember some morning radio disc jockey came up with it and then some men’s magazines picked it up and it became this underground thing for a while, then with the internet it blew up overnight. It’s based on the running joke that girls want all this romance for Valentine’s Day and all guys really want is a beer, a steak, and a blowjob. That’s not necessarily true, but that’s the premise of the holiday. In Japan March 14 is called White Day and it’s very similar, but they don’t talk about steak and blowjobs. It’s just the day when men receive gifts from their girls—the opposite of Valentines.

Most unromantic men are only romantic on Valentine’s Day. Do you think this holiday creates a slippery slope where women will only give head on Steak and BJ Day?
That’s the best question ever because I thought you were going to go into a feminist slant because there are women who complain that today is misogynistic. And I’m like, “What about Valentine’s Day?” And for couples that are not necessarily heterosexual, the holiday can be between two guys, it can be between two girls; I know plenty of girls who pack a strap on and identify as boys or queer and they get blowjobs all the time—there’s no semen, but the ritual is still there. It’s kind of like Christmas or Thanksgiving or any of the holidays. I think in general if people have a good experience with something maybe they’ll be like, “Hey, that was really fun. Why are we only doing that one time a year?” Hopefully they’ll be doing it every month.

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Or every day.
That would get tiring. And the steak would get expensive. By the end of the year you’d be eating Salisbury. Or like, “Let’s go grab a burger and I’ll give you a handy in the car.”

You just hosted a steak and blowjob workshop. What makes you such an expert on steak?
Well, I’m not a Michelin-star chef. If I were I wouldn’t be doing porn. I like steak, and I have had enough of it to know what I like. I’m also a bit of a foodie. My dad has always had his steak burnt to a crisp, but I have it as rare as humanly possible. I tell them to just slap it on its ass on the way out of the kitchen. For the workshops we talk about vegetarian options for the couples that don’t do meat, but the whole purpose of the workshop and the day is to have fun.

And what makes you an expert on blowjobs?
Well, I’m in porn. Although these days that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an expert.

No, I’ve seen a lot of really boring hummers in porn.
Out of all the sex acts out there, my personal preference is giving BJs. I’ve always enjoyed it. I personally am not a big fan of having guys go down on me because I just feel awkward laying there. But on the other hand I love giving blowjobs! I pay a lot of attention, I take my time—it’s not a quickie. I like to get down there and explore, and the guys I’ve been with have enjoyed themselves, so in that way it kind of makes me an expert. Again, like the steak thing, I don’t have a PhD in fellatio, but I try everything because every guy is different. I think enthusiasm goes a long way and I worship the male anatomy.

I’ve never had a blowjob from a guy, but I would assume that a man could give superior head. Do you have any insight on this? And how do you stack up?
Well, I don’t have a penis so I don’t know what a gay man’s blowjob feels like, but I think practice makes perfect. So if you’re a gay guy who likes to give blowjobs, then I’m sure you give an amazing blowjob. But then you’re going to have guys who are tops who say, “Guys suck me off; I don’t suck them off.” There are all sorts of dynamics. I think chemistry plays a lot into it. A guy could be really, really hot and give a really bad BJ. Same with a girl—she could be super hot and give a “Really? That’s your best?” kind of BJ.

Would you make a good gay man?
I think I would make an OK gay man, but I’m still exploring the whole anal sex part so I’d only be a half-assed gay man, no pun intended. But I like guys—I like stubble and body hair, I like the way men smell, and I have pseudo-masculine mentality about most things in the world when it comes to sex. At the same time, I’ve had my share of anal in private, but I haven’t had any porno anal because those things are just too big. I also have friends who are super hardcore bottoms and like to get fisted. Sorry, but that’s not going anywhere near my butt! So that might disqualify me as a gay man. I’m glad I have a pussy.

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You did an 18-guy fan-blow-bang in Overloaded. How was that?
Yeah, 18 guys. All fans. It was like a chubby guy blowjob fest. They were chubbies with chubbies. It was a two-hour live streaming show and most of them came twice. We had one guy who had some problems, but he was older so I think that was the issue.

How does one keep the salivation up for two hours?
Hydration! Lots of water. It was 110 degrees and no humidity, so it was hot and sweaty. There was a case of water just for me.

How was it dealing with fans? I’m so grossed out by humans in the private sector. No one gets tested.
When we initially put out the call on social media over 200 people applied. I was like, “Whoa! That’s going to be a long day.” Then we said, “By the way, everyone needs to get tested by the adult industry testing facility,” and that dropped the number down to 18 people. I know, at $150, it’s a bit pricy.

That’s really not a bad price to pay for a good blowjob.
True. But I’m sure there were still a group of guys who didn’t do it because they knew what their results would be.

I’m sure. I always say that I’d rather have unprotected sex with someone in the porn industry because I feel safer about it with all the testing than with someone in the private sector who never gets tested.
Yeah, before I did porn and I was dating, no one was tested, and no one wanted to use a condom, whereas in the porn industry everyone gets tested every month so it seems safer than just hooking up with a random and then finding out you’ve got chlamydia or gonorrhea or worse because the guy never got tested in his entire life. A lot of people feel that way. It was a huge deal five or six years ago when Scarlett Johansson was all over the news, like, “I go to the adult testing place to get tested every month.” She wasn’t in a full on relationship, but she was dating, and she wanted to get tested at the best place possible, and as far as she was concerned that’s the adult industry.

Follow Kelly on Twitter or or go to KellyShibariXXX.com

And you can vote for her in this years Exxxotica Whole Lotta Love category here.

More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com or @Nieratko