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Vice Blog

LONDON - SPORTS RAVES?

No one goes out in London anymore. Apparently there were less than ten people who paid to see Ed Banger's Mr Oizo at 333 last Thursday, and only 50 people went to the last Neon night at the Scala (which can hold well over 1200 people). The reason for this is a combination of everyone putting on the same shitty nights with the same shitty acts, and the slight problem of no one bothering to promote their events. MySpace has made people lazy. Sending out one lousy bulletin the night before and sitting on your hands and hoping for the best does not equal busy dancefloors.

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The result is promoters trying shit like hiring fire-eating members of the Chinese State Circus to pour champagne into people's mouths while dangling from the ceiling of "sports raves" where (we imagine) people do aerobics listening to DJs with names like CJ Absolutely Dirty Bitch. The only problem with trying these kind of desperate tactics is that being at a night like the one listed over there is probably worse than being trapped in the hard dance equivalent of Dante's fifth circle of hell while the one-armed guy from Twin Peaks feeds you your genitals. We'll stick to the empty clubs, thanks.