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BLOODY REVOLUTIONS Dear Vice, Re: The Crass story in the Anti-Music Issue: Crass were just a bunch of hippies jumping on the punk bandwagon. They were never punk and never will be. They made a living

BLOODY REVOLUTIONS

Dear

Vice

,

Re: The Crass story in the Anti-Music Issue: Crass were just a bunch of hippies jumping on the punk bandwagon. They were never punk and never will be. They made a living selling thousands and thousands records to weak-minded kids. Mr Rimbaud has made an easy living with that. Also, Crass members were never into punk rock. They just used the music to push their set of rules on a bunch of easily manipulated sheep. They’re not even playing punk rock or any other type of rebellious music anymore (not that they ever did). They never even listened to punk rock. They just live on their precious royalty like every other old retired, washed-up musician does. And now they are fighting for their big money. It’s not like they were ripped off by a record company or manager. It’s a fight between band members, which is absurd. They bullshitted everyone with what is right and what is wrong but now they can’t even get along together. Fuck war, not wars, right? Hilarious. Bunch of old hippies capitalising on their past. So funny. They can fight all they want, it’s just going to show their true nature. I always hated them for being one of the major bands who ruined punk rock. They were acting as authority instead of rejecting authorities. They were doing like every religion is doing: they were trying to convert everybody into what they decided was right and wrong. They acted as religious figures and were hoping for a boring homogeneous society. Crass was never punk rock. Fact!

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DICK TATOR

via Viceland

ANTI ANTI MUSIC

Hi

Vice

Instead of “Anti-Music” you should have told them that “Gen X is back—Revolution! Zine, style, now! Again! Full sized, glossy edition!”

In all seriousness, uh, when are you 40+-year-olds going to leave the culture business? Your time was up in the mid-90s—you got that memo, right? And if 9/11 didn’t shake your ass to do more than start a blog and reform your old college band, I’m gonna go ahead and label you guys as “hopeless” and “pathetic”.

Re: Contributors to this issue. Please move on with your lives. This cultural critiquing thing you’re into these days will not pay for the house you don’t own and the mouths of the children you never had.

ANON

You’re right. We shouldn’t get people who have been in great bands to write about bands, or people who have endured tour after tour to write about touring. We should get someone less well informed to do it, as long as they are under 25. That’s the main thing. Next music issue will be totes on-trend.

MORE OPINIONS ON CRASS

Vice

,

So because Pete Wright thinks fans of Crass were unable to think for themselves, we should shit on Penny for wanting to make that work available?

Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who thinks or expected Crass as an entity or as individuals were paragons of anarcho-idealism, believed or expected that their music scene was “real” and superceded a need for their own hard work, self-discipline and education, or even parroted their rhetoric without an ounce of scrutiny, were/are self-deluded. Period.

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Perfect? No. Terrible? No. Just people being people. But here you are tearing Rimbaud a new one to what purpose? I didn’t like his authority statement either, but there are far, far worse people than Penny Rimbaud in the world and plenty of good people inevitably connected to this Crass release who would probably prefer the band work their differences out themselves.

DRUM BACCY

via Viceland

For the record, we love Crass and often cite them as a personal inspiration for Vice. And the new remastered records sound amazing. And if you don’t like Penny Rimbaud you can come here to the office and fight about it if you like.

RUMBLED AGAIN

Dear

Vice

This is how

Vice

magazine works.

1.

Vice

writes snarky sarcastic opinion articles (most of them about their same demographic/their readers)

2. Readers write snarkier sarcastic things on the internet about the

Vice

articles that are actually about them.

The whole process is called “degenerative circular blame displacement bullshit”. It’s also my thesis for grad school that my parents are paying for.

ANON

via Viceland

You can’t go around telling people this, or we are fucked. Seriously, we are sweating about this… We had a crisis meeting and stuff.

CONTINUALLY GREAT PITCHES

Hi

Vice

,

I have been doing a lot of work with a prosthetics makeup artist, and we came up with this horn girl shot, a recreation of an actual medical condition called a “subcutaneous horn”.

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We thought it would make a great cover for Vice—see mock-up.

Thanks

MAX

Via email

We thought we were bored of seeing the same old submissions week in week out, but actually, can we bring back the zip files of art students in American Apparel hoodies posing on car bonnets, please? These new wave ideas are freaking us out.

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