Dear Vice,
Having spent the past 20 years living almost literally in the shadow of one of those Baptist megachurches, I've become pretty inured to the kind of illogical crap they like to broadcast from their cars and shirts and marquee signs (one of my all-time faves being, "Welcome to our Ch-rch. What's missing? UR"). This one however, genuinely provoked a "Wha?!?" when I spotted it this Sunday. Are they trying to appeal to drag racers by saying their souls are really fast, the same way they use to pull that "high on Jesus" business to try to rope in druggees? Or do they think they're actually going to get to drive their cars up into heaven like at the end of Grease when doomsday comes rolling around? I'm leaning toward the latter, which reminds me of that bit at the end of David Cross's DVD where he has the Religion and Ethics page from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution with the article that says in heaven there'll be public transportation and angels will drive all the buses. With everybody always going on about how fundamentalists are dickheads and fascists, can we not focus for one moment on how they have the minds of fucking children? Sorry to keep dipping into stand-up, but it's like when Eugene Mirman is talking about heaven and he goes "And you get your 80 virgins and--oh sorry, that's Islam. You get all your old pets."
CRAIG OLSEN
Atlanta, GA
Having spent the past 20 years living almost literally in the shadow of one of those Baptist megachurches, I've become pretty inured to the kind of illogical crap they like to broadcast from their cars and shirts and marquee signs (one of my all-time faves being, "Welcome to our Ch-rch. What's missing? UR"). This one however, genuinely provoked a "Wha?!?" when I spotted it this Sunday. Are they trying to appeal to drag racers by saying their souls are really fast, the same way they use to pull that "high on Jesus" business to try to rope in druggees? Or do they think they're actually going to get to drive their cars up into heaven like at the end of Grease when doomsday comes rolling around? I'm leaning toward the latter, which reminds me of that bit at the end of David Cross's DVD where he has the Religion and Ethics page from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution with the article that says in heaven there'll be public transportation and angels will drive all the buses. With everybody always going on about how fundamentalists are dickheads and fascists, can we not focus for one moment on how they have the minds of fucking children? Sorry to keep dipping into stand-up, but it's like when Eugene Mirman is talking about heaven and he goes "And you get your 80 virgins and--oh sorry, that's Islam. You get all your old pets."
CRAIG OLSEN
Atlanta, GA