I'm getting really bored at work, man. Its getting to the point where I'm NOT getting stoned every morning just to see how fun it might be to not get high. I've tried everything: hydrocodone, Cheetos, yerba mate, mate latte (creative, full of hope, totally grodes), cocaine, dirty sex texts, flossing (oh yes, bleeeeed incisors! blood spouting satisfaction!), prank-calling that one weird guy, espresso in all its magical milky theories, S&M fantasies involving a hooded magic sex demon who spanks me with oiled collard green leaves from our German summer picnic basket, Pepsi, Doritos, binge eating, anorexia, plucking, polishing, picking, kegels whilst praying, fighting back the salty silly tears of intense depression, squats, lunges, harassing co-workers with rude questions about shitting and fingering, masturbating in the bathroom (to no avail, damn you inner guilt voice that sounds just like psychic clairvoyant Sylvia Brown), pooping whilst texting (adds ten minutes to your escape AND Sylvia Brown's inner voice does cooperate here), hmmm…
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