The VICE Guide to Right Now

I Tried To Find the Weirdest Things for Sale on the Internet

Can I interest you in a $5,000 heart-shaped potato? What about a series of consecutively numbered banknotes?
January 7, 2021, 8:48am
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Collage: VICE / Images: (L) For illustrative purposes only. Anemone123, Pixabay. (R) @sgfuturerichguy on Carousell

Among the things you can buy on Carousell, a Singaporean online marketplace, the country’s airport and its prime minister are apparently some of the wackiest. Troll accounts have recently proliferated on the local platform, offering a range of ridiculous, and frankly hilarious, items ‘for sale.’

While these listings were eventually taken down by Carousell, their brief stint online made for pretty good laughs. If you’ve missed them, don’t worry. There’s now a budding collection of these trolls immortalized on this Instagram page.

From people’s actual souls (which are specifically prohibited on eBay) to skillfully marketed haunted dolls, the internet’s offerings are delightfully limitless. So, I set out to find the weirdest things the internet has for sale right now. Here are some of the strangest — from the seemingly legit to the questionable.

Boyfriend pillows could be your new favorite inanimate cuddle buddy. It comes with solid six-pack abs and even offers music playback for a satisfying cuddle sesh. 

Alternatively, you can also grow an inanimate girlfriend or simply a pair of boobs.

Those who want to tell their friends how much they mean to them, but also think friendship bracelets are overrated, can consider friendship turds. Because nothing says “thanks for being my friend” quite like a dainty little piece of ‘poop?’

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But what about non-friends? Well, you can get shit for them too. No stranger to glowing reviews, the poop delivery service ShitExpress promises to deliver anonymous horse poo to “all those pesky haters.”

In keeping with the fecal theme, here’s a pair of emergency underpants that comes in a neat little can.

Combining the sincerity of a handwritten note and the ease of an outsourced job, this Etsy shop offers to handwrite and mail “extra long” letters based on any text you want. Or if you’d like to receive a random heartfelt note, you may also purchase a handwritten note from any comfort character of your choosing.

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A quick browse through Twitter reveals that heart-shaped potatoes are surprisingly common

But for one eBay seller, it’s worth at least $5,000. When it comes to the most ridiculously priced mundanity, this one’s right up there with Williamsburg air.

Speaking of coincidentally heart-shaped items, this fittingly red M&M candy is going for $84.60.

Shredded money would make for a good gag gift, and this listing apparently came from genuine cash worth over $200. Sadly, the seller did not reply to my incredulous queries about the authenticity of the bank notes.

If, like most, you’re more interested in unshredded bank notes, here’s one with an auspicious twist. It’s a series of consecutively numbered banknotes that’s being sold with a slight markup. 

carousell, ebay, singapore, online shopping marketplace, weird

Photo: @sgfuturerichguy on Carousell

So I’ve emerged from the chaos of the online marketplace a little scarred, but mostly tickled, by the strangely wholesome hodgepodge of offerings. 

But in spite of all the weird shit I’ve included here, I’m not sure if I’ve even actually scratched the surface of the strangest things netizens have to offer. In any case, I’ll be on the lookout for more hair or eyebrow-raising listings, so if you’re onto something — send them my way.