Composite by VICE Staff
Valentine’s Day is a week away, people, and if you haven’t had a chance to shop for you or your special someone, now is the time. It’s also a great time to start thinking about what’s going down on Valentine’s Night—or, hopefully, who’s going down. Whether you’re ringing in V-Day 2023 with your long-term boo, having a “casual hang” with your situationship, or solo-riding the couch, everyone could use a smattering of seriously on-sale sex toys. Hoping to spice things up this year with some sexcessories, but don’t know where to start? No worries: These sex toys from some of our favorite erotic retailers are all on sale for V-Day. We’re talking about to-die-for dildos, our all-time fave air-pressure clit-sucker, and rumbly vibrators that are sure to make this Valentine’s Day one to remember (and remember, and remember). Lube up that Amex, and let’s peruse the best sex toy sales on our favorite horny accomplices.Yes, the legends are true: The Satisfyer Pro 2 clitoral vibrator slaps in all the right ways (and places). I tried the cult-fave sex toy for VICE, and was floored by how well it cracked the design code on how to be a toy for both people with sensitive clitorises and those who want to get their pussy tenderized into schnitzel. Oh, and it’s 41% off at Amazon right now in an icy blue colorway—the most cosmically arousing color. There are loads upon hot, steamy loads of sex toys on Amazon, including a page dedicated to the behemoth’s bestselling anal toys. This vibrating, remote-controlled butt plug makes the top ten cut with an impressive 4.9-star average rating, and high praise from reviewers who are fans of the “accesible” size and the base’s ability to change color. As one reviewer writes, “most products like this that I've seen cost at least twice as much,” so bring it in the back door while it’s 9% off.Oh LELO, how we le-love you. “As one might expect, the combo of internal vibration and clitoral sonic massage is pretty damn mind-blowing,” Rec Room contributor Angel Kilmister writes about the LELO Enigma. “You know when you're receiving oral and your partner slides in a couple of fingers at the optimal time? This is the best toy for replicating that crazy-hot combo.” Yeah, we’re sold—especially since it’s currently $40 off during the site’s big V-Day sale.…Would not get the job done as well as one of these rose vibrators, which went viral on TikTok for blowing everyone’s [redacted] off last year, and are currently 30% off as part of Lovehoney’s massive V-Day sale. This on-theme toy will not only allow you to make a million dad—sorry, daddy—puns on V-Day, but it’s one hell of a clit-sucker, and has earned over 400 (mostly glowing) reviews on Lovehoney. “This is one of the best clitoral stimulators I’ve tried,” one fan writes, “[It] gets very powerful on the highest setting.” What, you don’t already have a pair? Vibrators designed to be worn in your underwear are one of the coolest couple’s sex toys out there, and while they can typically cost upwards of $100, this bestseller from Lovehoney’s sale is 40% off and allows you to edge towards O Town with three speeds and seven vibrational patterns with the trusty remote,There’s only one thing better at multitasking than this giant panda, and it’s the Bender vibrator from Unbound Babes. The über cool sexual wellness brand is offering up to 40% off of a selection of its ~aesthetic~ sex toys, including this bestselling, flexible vibrator with an impressive 4.6-star average rating. “It is incredibly versatile,” one reviewer writes, “It's great for personal play, partner play, and both internal/external stimulation.” The gymnast champion of vibrators, if you will.Harness-free pegging (has never been more possible)Everyone wants a German ride, and that includes a Fun Factory sex toy. The German-made vibrators are some of the best in the game, because, like great tofu, their silicone is silky yet firm (and the designs are truly innovative). Catch us pegging our partners in yeehaw fashion thanks to the $24 discount on the brand’s Share Lite dildo during its V-Day sale. Unlike other pegging toys, the unique design of this two-headed beast allows for couples to go hands free while experiencing simultaneous G-spot stimulation.A no-fuss penis strokerA penis stroker shaped like a manta ray?? Fun Factory strikes again, y’all. Most male sex toys and Fleshlight-esque toys can be hard to clean, but the plein air nature of the Manta means you get to experience what feels like a really skilled handjob (with none of the post-nut mess) thanks to the toy’s spartan design and deep, powerful motor.Have a happy, horny holiday.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
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This 58,500+ reviews clitoral vibe
One of Amazon’s bestselling butt plugs
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Sex toys made with Swedish design
For penis-owning partners, you can’t go wrong with the LELO’s vibrating cock ring, Tor 2, which is on sale right now for $28 off. The thick end of the ring provides six different vibrational settings for you and your partner to enjoy, from a teasing murmur to rumbling pulsations.
A rose by any other name…
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Remote-controlled vibrating panties
A bendy, multitasking vibrator
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The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
