Weary traveler, welcome. We know you’re into the classics when it comes to Valentine’s Day—you’re in the floral aisle, for goddess’ sake—and we respect that. That tells us you’re an intentional gifter who wants their presents to arrive on time, and you stick with the original plot of the V-Day movie: FLOWERS. And before you ho-hum us, yes, we know this is just another holiday invented by Hallmark to make horse girls and donkey boys extra happy. That being said, embrace it! Valentine’s Day is our favorite corporate kink, because it’s not just a holiday about expressing love; it’s a holiday about absolutely fawning over the object of your affection, and turning up the appreciation dial for your relationships with a lover, mother, brother, or a BFF who needs to be reminded of how much you love them.
Supply chain issues could still cause shipping delays, so opting for a beautiful Valentine’s Day bouquet is not only a classy move, but a prudent one as well. The following bouquets are for everyone, from the jerky lover and the sausage slinger to the gothic babe and your cottagecore friend. Whether you’re going for something understated and chic—or going for something truly unhinged—here are the best Valentine’s Day bouquets and flower arrangements for saying, “I’m obsessed with you.”
Red roses slap every time
People who say they don’t like to get showered in red roses are liars, charlatans, and sexy little snakes who need a spanking. Who doesn’t love the drama of crimson petals? Travis Barker loves it. Thirsty romance novels love it. This move is a classic for a reason, and [clears throat in Hoobastank] the reason is YOU. We love these classic long-stemmed babies from 1-800-Flowers, these roses accented with alstroemeria from Bouqs, and this elegant arrangement from Urban Stems.
Nothing says “I have extra sourdough starter” more than ranunculus, the flower of choice for lowkey romantics, cottagecore babes, and weekend witches, as the flower first grew in mirky, swampy areas—not unlike your love.
Mixed roses are more low-key
Not ready for the red rose moment? That’s OK, Chris Harrison can wait. Seriously, he’s over on Cameo and accepting personalized video requests. Anyways, a blend of colorful roses feels a lot more playful than Dracula red.
An epic bouquet of 100 roses
The bouquet to end all bouquets, baby. This showstopper floral arrangement is composed of 100 pastel colorful roses fit for a king/queen/Barbra Streisand.
A bouquet & candle bundle
Looking for a little bit more oomph to add to that bouquet? This très au natural bouquet is loaded with snapdragons, daisies, ferns, and more romantic (but unbuttoned) greenery, as well as the Apotheke White Vetiver Candle. That’s a banger deal, at just $60. (Have you seen how pricey some cult candles can get?)
Dried flowers are the new move
Don’t worry, these bouquets of dried flowers will outlive your relationship! Plus, you don’t have to worry about changing their water. Urban Stems makes some of the most unconventional dried bouquets out there with violet, purple, and red color schemes that are filled with pampas, eucalyptus, and other earthy garnishes worthy of a love that would make all the dinos in Jurassic Park take notice. The stems for the Juneau and Suri bouquets must have been sourced from the Cretaceous period:
Let's add a couple more examples of dried bouquets? Here are some in-network ones I spotted:
There are also some incredible dried bouquets at Bouqs that take inspiration from everything from crystals to folklore in their namesakes, and include rugged pampas, eucalyptus, loofahs and more. The terracotta captured our heart with its copper-hued blend of flowers:
BloomsyBox really put on its technicolor dreamcoat when designing its dried bouquets, and has a truly Mantis shrimp selection of dried flowers that range from electric blue to fuschia and more. If your giftee is a minimalist and lover of understated Japandi design, don’t overlook this soft platinum bouquet:
A bouquet fit for Apollo. West Elm sure knows how to make their flowers look sun-kissed with this arrangement, which is on-sale for over $30 off for a limited time.
Embrace full V-Day kitsch
Fluffy bears, fake diamonds, and gregarious displays of affection? Valentine’s Day is haute camp, so why not embrace the urge to ooze romance on the one day of the year you can really get away with it? A single, encased rose is perfect for your torrid affair with the Disney Adult widow next door:
Speaking of some classic romance that’s always music to our ears, did you know that saxy daddi Kenny G’s favorite flowers are always all-white roses? He told us so himself, along with his ideal romantic gift-giving itinerary.
Do you and your lover both kind of secretly know that their dog holds rank in the relationship? Gift them a floral sculpture of a dog to let them understand that you get it, and love them anyway. Also, are you OK?
They watch a lot of Outlander
Gather around the stone circle, and pull a bouquet with thistle out of your kilt to truly sweep your bonnie loved one off their rump and into your arms. It’s been the official flower of Scotland for over 500 years, so you know it has staying power.
Paint it black
[Machine Gun Kelly has entered the chat.] What other holiday celebrates eating chocolate effigies of the human heart? There’s nothing more goth than V-Day, so throw some Evanescence on the record player, and gift your love a bouquet of black roses.
Leave them truly speechless
Whoever came into the Send Flowers board meeting with this one deserves to have their face printed on money. What is it about this single sunflower that gives us so much joy? Is it the coy, knowing smile? The Steve Buscemi eyes? The humble allure of a sparkling mason jar? Sunflower Friend is kind, yet bold. It is Baby, and it’s the perfect V-Day gift.
Edible Arrangements will outlive us all
Have you ever actually seen someone enter an Edible Arrangements establishment? It’s the OG, man. There’s one in Williamsburg, Brooklyn that has even weathered the pandemic, and we’ve never seen a soul slip in or out. Anyways. Edible Arrangements is a 90s icon of gift baskets and bouquets that clearly knows what’s up, and it has mastered the perfect fruit-to-chocolate ratio in their bouquets. Who else is making pineapple butterflies? Exactly.
Felt flowers for mom
There’s something about these that says, “Hi, I’m Shelley Duvall.” Plus, felt flowers are a sweet departure from the gazillion other flowers your mother or mother-figure has received in their life.
You’re a deranged beast
HOT! Don’t worry, Garfield Bouquet won’t hurt you. Garfield Bouquet will just braid your hair in your sleep, and give you the love you really deserve. Mee-ow.
Same day delivery for procrastinators
Booooooo. Tomatoes, tom-ah-toes. JK, but you should probably put an order for same day delivery flowers from Floom to make sure your love muffin isn’t disappointed on the big day. The online floral hub offers same day delivery in 16 different major cities, which means you can send your Bushwick, Brooklyn crush/Pre-Raphaelite muse a violet orchid bouquet in a matter of hours.
You can’t beat this meat
These are not technically flowers, but Mami Salami needs another saucisson to sweep her off her toesies, and this meaty bouquet is perfect for the job. This ribbon-tied, gourmet salami is perfect for the Tony Soprano in your life.
Alternatively, you could blow their minds with this cut-out, beef jerky floral bouquet. Who said capitalism doesn’t breed innovation?
Happy V-Day, you softie!
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.