Wandering the streets around Windsor Castle during Harry and Meghan's big day were a mix of bemused American tourists; hard-line Royalists who'd been camping out for a spot since 5 AM; blond boys in Hollister button-ups chatting about how Harry is "just one of the guys, really;" and a contingent of international Princess Diana superfans—who, apparently, do still exist.
From the first hiss of lukewarm cans opening at 8 AM, to the tourists and D-list celebrities still hanging around hours after the procession, here's the most ridiculous stuff we overheard in Windsor on the day of the Royal Wedding.
"I'm so excited about this wedding it's breaking me right now."
"I won a Prince Harry look-alike competition and got free flights for a year. Going to Tenerife [Spain] next month."
"Do you think the Queen eats Nando's [an international restaurant chain], though?"
"I play at Windsor cricket ground, so you could say this isn’t my first time around the royals."
* referring to police getting cheered on by the public * "If we were in the US right now, they’d be throwing rocks at them for sure."
"How does that photo look? Do I look like a royal tart?"
"I've got a shitload of weddings to go to this summer. This isn’t even the one I’m most excited about."
"We just saw The Princess Diaries on a big screen and now we're ready to watch it for real."
"You can't walk around wearing a Prince George mask as an adult that's just wrong."
"I just paid £4.99 [$6.72] for an ice cream."
"What's all this about line-jumping, then?"
"I'm just thinking about how many people need to die for Meghan to become Queen. It would be a bloodbath."
"There's a lot of people here crying about Trump, and I don’t have time for it. Meanwhile, in America, we're obsessed with the royals and Meghan."
"It’s all going to end in divorce, you know."
Sign up for our newsletter to get the best of VICE delivered to your inbox daily.
Follow Jack Cummings on Twitter.