FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Apocalyptic Dinner for One

You're not going to be able to get a cheap bucket of chicken from KFC when most of the population has been horribly radiated to death, so you'd better get yourself acquainted with those scary, doesn't-even-have-a-sell-by-date foods at the back of your...
October 25, 2012, 5:21am

APOCALYPTIC DINNER FOR ONE - THE RECIPE

What with the world ending in 2012 and all, it's time to start thinking about worst case scenarios, like "what the fuck do I eat in an apocalypse?" You're not going to be able to get a cheap bucket of chicken from KFC when most of the population has been horribly radiated to death, so you'd better get yourself acquainted with those scary, doesn't-even-have-a-sell-by-date foods at the back of your cupboard.

Ingredients
1 x tin Spam
1x packet powdered batter
lots x seasoning
1 x packet Smash
1 x tin mushy peas
lots x gelatine
lots x Kool-Aid

SPAM FRITTERS

Step 1.

Chop Spam into slices, the chunkier the better.

Step 2.

Mix together your dry powdered batter with some seasoning.

Step 3.

Now dump in the Spam slices and give them a dust bath in the batter until well covered.

Step 4.

Fry Spam until golden looking… or edible, whutevs.

SMASHY PEAS

Step 1.

Put dry smashy potatoes in a bowl.

Step 2.

Dump in mushy peas and stir until it's all a green sludge. That's literally it.

MASS CULT SUICIDE JELLY

Step 1.

Melt the powdered gelatin in water.

Step 2.

Next, dump in A LOT of Kool-Aid powder in and stir until smooth.

Step 3.

Pour the whole thing into a jelly mold, brain shaped obvs, unless you're boring.

Step 4.

Leave to set.

Serve everything up in your bunker and share with nobody. Happy Apocalypse idiots!

Bone-appetit!

JOANNA FUERTES-KNIGHT

@fuertesknight

Previously: Girl Eats Food - Filipino blood Stew

Really fucking hungry? Check out Joanna Fuertes-Knight's (totally free) online cookbook! It's got every Girl Eats Food recipe ever in it.