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Vice Blog

AUSTRALIA - HERBAL VAGINA TIGHTENING STICK

I don't have a girlfriend so sometimes I do things that the happily "coupled" may not understand like type "vagina" into ebay. Two weeks ago I did just that and stumbled across this cigar shaped herbal product that claims to be able to (on insertion) tighten your vagina and clear up any nasty yeast infections or anything else unsavory you may have going on downstairs. I unthinkingly hit the buy now option and two weeks later I get a suspect looking package on my desk.

The shipping address was from somewhere in Malaysia and on opening it I discovered what looked like a gift wrapped box of chocolates and strangely enough a sachet of instant dried coffee. The chocolates turned out to be the beautifully crafted vagina stick and I think the coffee was including to make it look a little less suspsicous in case of someone accidentally intercepting it. There were also some detailed instructions for use (see below) and a warning guide that basically amounted to "keep away from children." No… shit.

I'm still single and until I have a vagina to test this on it will just sit redundant on my desk awaiting my loose-holed Cinderella. Maybe that's you?  Please contact me through our website and we can go for coffee. Jonathan West