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WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

I have a Christmas wish. That this one bitch in my neighborhood gets what's coming to her. My best friend in Hell's Kitchen has been gone for the past two years. Not dead, but in jail. And it's 99% this one bitch's fault. OK, my friend did do some illegal things, but they were very "small time" and his clientele remained the same people over the years and he never sold on the street. He was very low-key about shit and was the nicest, coolest guy in my neighborhood. Never violent, always mellow, and never sloppy. He was smart as shit and had the right taste in music. He was kind of out of place doing what he did, but it also suited him, I guess. And I know how people always call "their guy" their friend but this guy wasn't even "my guy" (too speedy) and we even went on vacations and shit together so fuck you. He did what he did because that's just what he could make the most money at, and when you don't have much of any education, well, that's what I'd be doing too. It's always a bad decision to sell drugs for a long time though. It's best to get in and out as quickly as possible and make some easy money. Like it does in casinos, time catches up with you.

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So here's the story: About a year before he got sent inside, his old girlfriend got out of jail and hopped right back into his life. She was big time trouble. He let her back into his life because he was basically scared to death of her. You would be too. You might call him a pussy, but he was more of just a nice guy and this isn't your average girl. You know those white girls who don't talk like they're white and they do it at like ten times the decibel than is necessary? She's like that. She's scary as shit. Plus, she is like one of those gangster-dealer type girls who is really good at being a gangster and she has black girl hair even though she's white and it looks fucking retarded. An older friend of mine, upon meeting her, described her voice as what he imagined the archangel Gabriel's voice to be like. (If that makes any sense to you, awesome. If not, sorry.) Anyway, my friend was trying to dump her because it was really his only move out of misery, but she kept threatening to call the cops on him and get him busted if he left her, so things were very touchy. This wasn't your average break-up scenario. He would have had to move out of the neighborhood and basically change his life to shake this girl.

He finally did break up with her. She called the police and told them that he kept threatening to kill her and burn her apartment building down. If you knew this guy, you would know how ridiculous this sounds. But after so many calls from her, the police went over to his house. He happened to be on his way out to make some deliveries when he ran into them on the stairs and was taken in for questioning. They found his shit and he's been upstate ever since. Once he gets out, which should be soon, he'll be deported to the DR for what I hear is a shitty existence if you're sent back tagged as a criminal.

Anyway, I guess the Christmas time shit everywhere has been making me nostalgic, and another friend of ours just emailed me asking for his address so they could send him a Christmas card. The only other person in my neighborhood who I considered to be a friend (I'm the godfather of his daughter) turned into a total fucking junkie and burned me in a business deal and now I'm suing his ass. So I'm basically alone these days when it comes to friends who live right nearby (except for that girl Cam who used to sing for The Choke who is mad cool and who is my friend). So, I guess I'm asking Santa for some swooping justice on the bitch who fucked up my friend's life and I'm wishing him a nice Christmas (though I don't know how nice Christmas can be in jail). And I hope everyone else out there who isn't a rat piece of shit has a merry Christmas as well. That's a picture of him up top, by the way. It's all blurred out because I don't want to fuck up his life any more than it already is.

N.B. I don't think her or any of her delinquent friends can even fucking read so I should be safe writing this. But if I get stabbed coming home late one night, you'll know who did it.

GIANCARLO DITRAPANO