All right, it's not exactly Christian-sponsored porn, or Jesus-porn, or really even porn at all, but it's only one slipped finger away. A while back we found a web site run by a blissfully married couple of Christian nudists who do hot-oil massage outcalls and run a day spa in their home just outside Las Vegas. They believe that God created us without clothing, so therefore being a Christian nudist is basically a redundant statement. They make some good points on their site about how clothing turns people into perverts: "Have you ever heard of rape at a nudist colony? Molestations? Fornication? Murder? Adultery?" Come to think of it, no we haven't.The next step, they say (and not that we're arguing), is to have a fucktastic time being naked. So why not open your doors to other nudist couples and give them the royal treatment, greet them with goblets of wine, coax them out of their clothing, and lead them to your hot tub to feed them marshmallows? That's exactly what this couple does. Actually, why not take it a step further and build a traditional Irish Castle/nudist resort just past the Hoover Dam? That's what they're working on next. We called Richard, the husband, to talk about this castle dream and ended up feeling like we'd been pranked.Richard: Hello, Master's Touch.Vice: Hi, I’m calling from Vice magazine in New York and—What magazine? Rice?Vice.Vice?Yes.Ok. What do you do?I’m a writer. I wanted to talk to you for a little bit about your castle idea I saw on your web site.What are you writing about?I don’t know, whatever we talk about.I’m sure you’re going to interview a lot of other people.No.Where’s your web site?Viceland.com.Dice-what?Oh, it’s V—I’m sorry I can’t hear you very well, bad connection. You’re probably talking on a cell phone?No.Dice, what is it?V, not d.D-I-C-E‚ĶNo, it’s V-I-C-E.V—Vice? Oh, Vice?Yeah!Oh my.Come on, we’re interested in diverse points of view.Vice.comViceland—And what do you guys do? Wait, Vice.com says it's "Anything.com."No, I told you it’s Viceland.com.I’m sorry, I’ve got one bad ear. Here’s my wife. Will you tell her what that is?Wife: Ok, what is it?Viceland.com.I’m sorry, what is it again?V-I-C-E-L-A-N-D—I’m sorry, could you say the first letter again, please? Like v for Victor?This went on interminably longer than you could imagine. Eventually Richard gave me an AIM screen name so we could chat that way but he never showed up.
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