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Vice Blog

SOULS FOR BREAKFAST, RAPPERS FOR LUNCH

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Alexander Melamid is God. He was told so by a floating figure smoking a pipe with a bandage over one ear named Vincent who appeared to him in his kitchen on September 22, 2006. That day Melamid, a 65-year-old Russian artist, was also assigned the task of spreading word that art is humanity's only salvation; specifically his own art, much of which consists of oil paintings of rap icons.

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Lil Jon, Russell Simmons, Warren G, and Kanye West have all sat for Melamid, thanks to his son Dan "The Man" Melamid, a music producer who's made videos for artists like Rick Ross. In his current exhibition "Oh My God" Melamid has put up paintings of Snoop Dogg next to human-sized portraits of rocks. I spoke to God and he was very friendly.

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Vice: Hello Mr. Melamid. I went to see your new exhibition last weekend. You've got 50 Cent next to the Venus de Milo. How's that work?
Alexander Melamid: Being God, I am the creator of everything on earth including ordinary objects like rocks and stuff, so I try to cover all bases.

I've read that, according to you, your paintings "will demonstrate art's healing power and medicinal properties for the treatment of physical and mental maladies." Have they started doing this yet?
I run a clinic, I treat people with art. I'm planning to start my medical practice here in London later this year. Art helps keep your health and wealth well.

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OK. But how do your paintings of rappers and horses' asses relate to being God?
What's important is that I create these people. They don't exist without me. I pick them up and I put them on a pedestal.

So Kanye West isn't real without you, because you are God?
No.

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How did you figure out that you're God?
It was just a realization. One morning I woke up and here we are.

What's it like being God?
It's OK.

That is totally the way you'd expect God to answer that question. What's your advice to us mortals on how to live life correctly?
Listen to me and pay your dues to my ministry. That would be really nice.

You self-manage your own ministry? That's very Big Society of you.

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Have you met the devil?
God can be very terrible, but it's a one-man show. This world, this universe, is a one-man show.

What does God eat for breakfast?
I eat souls. Breakfast is time for eating souls and spirits and stuff like that.

Isn't that kind of cannibalistic?
There is nothing wrong with cannibalism. It's something being God has taught me.

What do souls and spirits taste like?
Boiled eggs.

Do you have coffee with your spirits and souls?
Yeah I do. Right now actually.

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How much is the self-portrait of you as God going for at the auction?
I'm not interested in money or anything like that. I don't touch money.

But your paintings sell for something like $100,000 on average. Who's taking that?
That money goes from the gallery to my wife.

OK, but so in family terms at least, being God is lucrative then right?
Artists don't need money. [awkward silence] I've got to go, thanks for this.

Thanks God, good luck with the universe and the exhibition.

EMILY FOISTER

For those with questions, the man has his own Old and New Testaments ready to answer all.