Good morning, America. It's January 7th, 2016. Welcome to the VICE Sports World News Roundup. Be sure to stop by daily for your morning headlines.
Jerome Valcke, Sepp Blatter's one-time right-hand man, was banned for nine years and fined about $100,000 by FIFA. It seems likely that Valcke had something to do with a bribe FIFA paid Jack Warner. Interestingly, Blatter was only banned for eight years.
Former Chelsea doctor Eva Carneiro had her first hearing on Wednesday in her wrongful termination case against Chelsea. No settlement was reached, but the case isn't over yet and she will be back in court in the coming weeks.
If you remember back to the beginning of this season, things at Chelsea started to fall apart right around the time Jose Mourinho unjustly demoted Carneiro, and there has been widespread speculation that the team's terrible run of form had something to do with her mistreatment. The Times is reporting that a number of Chelsea players are supporting Carneiro in her suit against the team.
Barcelona beat cross-town rivals Espanol 4-1 in the Copa del Rey. Messi scored two goals, one of which was this glorious free kick.
Luis Suarez allegedly threatened a bunch of the Espanol players in the tunnel after the match (an allegation Barcelona denies). It all started after Espanol midfielder Papakouly Diop insulted Suarez with the following: "I shit in your whore mother." Diop was sent off for the remark. It's unclear what Suarez said, exactly. I kind of hope he just stood there and gnashed his teeth.
Barca midfielder Arda Turan (pictured) also played his first game for the club. He signed over the summer but wasn't registered until last week, due to the team's transfer ban.
In England, Everton beat Manchester City 2-1 in the League Cup.
The Orlando Sentinel managed to pry a few quotes from VICE Sports favorite Chicharito, who is a tough guy to interview! His club, Bayer Leverkusen, is in the midst of a mid-season training camp in Florida. He talked about his time at Manchester United (too much sitting on the bench) and the possibility that MLS is in his future (maybe!).
Former England international Jermaine Jenas is retiring from soccer. The 32-year-old has not managed to recover from a knee injury and hasn't played in about two years.
Arsenal is apparently trying to sign PSG youngster Adrien Rabiot. Like the parent of a true adult millennial, his mother, Veronique, has reportedly met with Arsene Wenger on Adrien's behalf.
Photo of the Day
The Dakar Rally continues to give us dope pictures. Here, the townspeople of Termas de Rio Hondo, Argentina, or somewhere around there, greet American Ricky Brabec.