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Games

Take Over Your Own Damned Kingdom in 'Royals'

It’s a long road to the castle, and a misstep could cost you.
All screens courtesy of Asher Vollmer

You can't find the manual, but you start playing anyway. Royals first screen asks you to describe your aspirations: Do you want to be a king? A queen? Or just, simply, royal? You've had a hard life as a farmer—and there's a whole big world out there for you to explore, tile by tile.

Created by Threes developer Asher Vollmer, Royals is a turn-based strategy game designed to run as if it were created for DOS. It's more than just a stylistic choice, too: Vollmer intended to create a game that was "overtly inaccessible," he said on his blog. "Framing the game as an ancient piece of software solved literally every usability problem."

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Oh, and there's no manual—that's part of its charm. "An old forgotten game from your youth," Royals' manual was lost years ago. Maybe it's anchoring a tall pile of dusty books in the basement, its corners nibbled on by bugs. Maybe you just threw it away.

Understanding the game's rules is embedded in Royals' gameplay. It's like you may never really get it, but that's the point. There's a certain complexity in clicking around and experimenting with choice combinations. Should you stay at your farm and earn money to survive out in the world? Can you convince some friends to join you on the journey? Will they help you ransack a castle?

It's these questions that need to be answered if you're ever to become queen. Or king. But take the wrong step—pissing off the standing queen or brawling at the wrong bar—and you'll see a quick death. Anything can happen on any tile, and it's all framed around quirky, subtle humor.

I mean, it's a long way to the castle. If you don't have that humor, what do you have? A pile of rocks to sleep on, really.

Pay what you want for Royals on itch.io.