While watching Beyoncé's visual masterpiece Lemonade last year, I remember having a sinking feeling, like there was going to be this big announcement of a divorce shortly thereafter. It was a suspicion driven by Elevatorgate the year before, but also because Jay and Bey are like the couple of all couples and I'm conditioned to believe that all good things must end. Like, I waited for Jim and Pam to call it quits on The Office (didn't happen, thankfully), I was completely shocked Ross and Rachel got back together on Friends, and I never really expected Topanga and Cory to last from Boy Meets World into Girl Meets World mainly because I figured he would end up with Shawn.
So yeah, I'm fucked in the head when it comes to romantic plotlines and how they inevitably play out. But this is real life here, people! And even though I also expected Kim and Kanye to be over with by now, love stands the test of time!
On April 4, Jay and Bey celebrated their nine-year anniversary. That's so awesome. Blue Ivy is a mini-mogul (move over, Asahd Khaled), and now we are expecting twins. I say "we" because if Beyoncé is pregnant then all of us are. The beautiful thing is, this year it felt like everyone celebrated the Jayoncé milestone. It's probably because we were all unsure if they would make it here. But they have, which means we shouldn't believe the hype.
Okay, so before I jump into this celebration of love, a couple of updates: Remember last week when Asahd Khaled was in constant work mode? Well, apparently he finally got to take a nap like a regular kid; on a hammock no less.
When he was done, he climbed on the roof of his house to change some shingles before he moved on to trimming the topiaries out front. I kid.
Also, his Uncle Drake who gifted him with that chain is all jokey about those vocals. I'd like to remind Drake that Asahd Tuck Khaled is Executive Producer of Grateful and will not stand for this nonsense.
Also, I wanted to show this photo because it looks so fucking awkward. It looks like those wedding photos where the bride is meeting a random family member for the first time and is forced to pose in a photo with them. Okay, onto the good stuff.
So Beyoncé dropped a video for a song called "Die With You" (exclusively via TIDAL, naturally) and in it were all of these great never before seen video clips of her and Jay together. She also showed video moments of when she was pregnant with Blue Ivy, so maybe now you can all shut the fuck up about that rumor that she didn't have her daughter.
Bey also posted this, showing the IV tattoos that she and Jay got. Ladies, this is an incredibly cute gesture, but don't let your man think he can just give you a $65 tattoo ring instead of a real one. Get yourself both. Stay woke.
So according to Marc Jacobs, Jay and Bey spent their anniversary at the Grand Canyon. Bey wore an MJ Varsity jacket while she was there. Now I need this jacket more than life itself.
Teen Vogue posted this one, and it's so cute that I could just cry myself to sleep tonight. Like I do every night.
Mama Tina posted a wedding photo too of the happy couple and informed us that the minister who married Jay and Bey, Rudy Rasmus, also married Solange, as well as Tina. He will probably marry Blue too! Also, by "married" I mean officiated the wedding ceremony. Don't get any ideas.