How to get ahead in oral sex? (Sorry, had to.) Get yourself a male masturbator that feels like a warm, Easy Bake oven for your penis, and throw down for a luxury Swedish sex toy that’s basically a Rube Goldberg machine for combined clitoral and G-spot orgasms. The sex toy tinkerers are out there, doing the work to improve your orgasms all the time. All we have to do is keep a horny eye on the horizon for the latest incarnations of beloved, cult-fave vibrators by brands like Lovehoney, Satisfyer, and Fleshlight. Luckily, we’re really good at it [fluffs Liberator Wedge] and have literally nothing else to do except electrocute ourselves. Anyways.
Next to the Hitachi Magic Wand, it’s the sex toys that feel like oral sex that become iconic (looking at you, Satisfyer Pro 2). It's pretty magical how modern sex toy brands have figured out so many ways to emulate all the licking, sucking, and massaging that blows our minds, no matter which body we're operating in. So, consider the following breakdown of strokers, pumpers, and clitoral tap dancers to be like the vibrator version of Avengers, because every player deserves its own blockbuster film; some are multitaskers, while others are modeled after actual porn stars’ mouths. All will make you go, Alexa, stick out your tongue and play Marvin Gaye.
You like the classics
Nothing wrong with that. The Satisfyer Pro 2 is one of the most-beloved clitoral vibes out there, with over 34,000 reviews on Amazon. What makes it so different from its first incarnation? An even silkier silicone material, and a scooped tip with 11 levels of signature Pressure Wave suction. It’s on sale right now, too, so go see what all the fuss is about.
For a thick penis
Guests will just think this is a Dustbuster, so leave it up on the cleaning shelf. (Also, why hasn’t Dyson ventured into sex toys? They’d kill it.) Satisfyer is here to save the day with their penal answer to that iconic clitoral vibe. “This was my boyfriend’s first [penis sleeve] in many ways,” writes one reviewer, “He had a rather thick member and I was concerned it would be uncomfortable for him… All I have heard since I gifted him this toy is nothing but how good it feels.” It’s waterproof, rechargeable, and is touted as super easy to clean with the interchangeable sleeve.
Your first foray outside of Satisfyer
If you’re looking to add another clitoral stimulator into the rotation, head to brands like Womanizer or Dame (we’ll get to the latter in a minute); the former makes easy-to-use clitoral toys out of a soft silicone that will last, but don’t cost over a hundo. IMO, it’s the tapered shape of this baby and the two button use feature that makes it a star; who wants to fumble around tons of settings when they’re just trying to get off in peace?
The (literally) hot new Lovehoney penis sleeve
The new Blowmotion penis sleeve coddles your member in temperatures of up to 107 degrees Fahrenheit, so your spank sesh feels like a pseudo-spa trip. It’s totally waterproof, and powered by not one, but three motors and eight vibration speeds—more than any mere mortal’s mouth could ever do. “The temperature setting works like a charm and feel[s] amazing with lube,” writes one reviewer, “Definitely worth the price.”
The hottest selling Fleshlight
This one is just flying off the shelves at Lovehoney, and is designed to imitate three different aspects of oral sex: lips, throat, and tongue. Fleshlight toys are storied masters of imitating IRL oral, and this sleeve is also made of a transparent plastic for your viewing pleasure/aquarium solo role play.
The one I travel with
They don’t call it “Aer'' for nothing, baby. This breezy, lightweight clitoral vibrator comes to you from the folks at Dame, a woman-owned and engineered sex toy company that puts quality design at the forefront of their highly aesthetic vibrators. Aer holds a charge for what feels like forever, is easy to clean, super quiet, and comes in a really cool tie-dye travelling pouch. It’s my most low-maintenance vibrator, by far, and also one of the easiest for maneuvering around your clitoris because it’s so lightweight. Plus, it’s great to take on vacation.
The Tesla of penis sleeves
Officially known as F1S V2 (by, you know, the Pentagon), LELO’s latest penis masturbator looks like it rolled right off the set of Avatar, because all of the luxury Swedish toy retailer’s creations must meet a super high engineering quality standard; “Everything we produce and every partner we engage,” they told VICE, “is subject to both internal and external review, [as to] ensure the quality. LELO products are subjected to rigorous testing: items on the production line are thoroughly checked for power capacity, noise levels, waterproofing, as well as drop and trauma durability.” So when they decided to launch a penis sleeve, they made one with a discreet, sleek design that will fit your penis like a glove. There are also 10 fine-tuned sensors in there, which allows for a kind of performance feedback feature through the LELO app so you can start to build your perfect spank-sesh progression. The groove tube of the future, dude. (It’s also majorly on sale right now.)
LELO’s latest luxury clitoral G-spot combo vibe
A few months ago, LELO also launched this stunning Gonzo nose of a vibrator called the Enigma. As a dual G-spot/clitoral stimulator, the Enigma looks like it’s slated to give the Womanizer Duo a run for its money in design, its sonic air pressure use (so it stimulates the clitoris without actually touching it), and “monster jam orgasms,” as Rec Room’s Angel Kilmister wrote in her review of the vibe.
Pump it up
The prominent pump attachments set this baby apart—they almost look like little astronaut helmets. If the pumping element of the clitoral vibe experience is a big turn-on for you, this toy is going to be your jam; the little pink tongue attached to it can also be swapped out for one with ribbed texture, and the entire toy doubles as a G-spot stimulator, too.
This floating porn star mouth
Add it to the list of some of weirdest sex toys we’ve seen, although nothing beats those knock-off Vajankles. This masturbator is molded from a soft but firm plastic from the lips of porn star Vicky Vette, and sucks you off with three speeds and four patterns.
Now that we’ve covered enough head, let’s talk toes over in the foot fetish section...
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.