YouTube Channel of the Week #5: CycleDub

YouTube is probably the greatest anthropological project ever launched. It has managed to expose the multitudes of the human condition more than any other medium ever created, and allowed people to express themselves in more diverse ways than at any point in history. This weekly column is an outlet for me to share with you some undiscovered gems, as well some very well-trodden gems, and discuss just what it is that makes the chosen accounts so intriguing.

WHO: CycleDub
WHAT: A man from Ireland films every traffic incident he deems to be out of order and uploads it.
HOW MANY SUBSCRIBERS AT TIME OF WRITING: 507
WHY SHOULD I CARE: CycleDub is a very special man, even though he is one of many people with YouTube accounts that hit have under 5,000 subs dedicated to the same thing. That thing is: cycling around town with at least one GoPro camera strapped to them, chastising motorists for traffic infringements. They often upload the videos along with the driver's number plate, perhaps in the hope that the police will take action, whom they routinely claim they will inform. But it's not just drivers that are the problem. Pedestrians are not safe from the ire of these two-wheeled vigilantes, either.

There is a community of men (always men) who upload these videos and congratulate each other on a job well done, exposing the ills of the road user. And in a lot of ways, they have a point. Reckless driving, especially down narrow country roads, often leads to injury and death for cyclists. It's very easy and maybe a little passé to crack wise about cyclists as if they're an ethnicity, born into a life of supreme annoyance and white-hot rage for both themselves and anyone who encounters them. Most negative encounters I've had with bike riders is at peak-time rush hour, when everyone alive is being a needlessly aggressive cunt, delusions of self-importance forcing their legs to pump and gears to change.

But there is something different about CycleDub. He appears to have a pathological hatred for all human life, which manifests itself through the conduit of his bicycle. As soon as he parks his tuchus down on that seat, that throne of malice, he is turned into CycleDub, a man whose voice trembles with rage in every encounter he has with another person. As the GoPro sits atop his helmet, we the viewer are made to feel as if we are his conscience, helplessly looking on as he berates some schoolchildren walking home, as in the video below.

"Move in. My space, not yours." He says at the children who appear to be no older than 13. As a viewer, one of the infuriating things about these videos is the impotence felt when receiving drive-by abuse. A man shouting at you and speeding away fills you with a rage that doesn't leave you for the rest of the day. Your family will say your name to try and get your attention, but you can't hear them because you've deafened yourself thinking about how much you want to maim that man, only being yanked from your pugilistic fantasy trance once they start shouting at and prodding you.

In another video, CycleDub, his voice imbued with a baritone tremor, scolds a learner driver for a poor overtake. It doesn't matter that she is fresh behind the wheel, still learning the ropes of the road. CycleDub is judge, jury and executioner. He is the alpha and the omega. He wields the sword of Damocles, awaiting any and all BMW users to edge over the white line in anticipation of crossing a roundabout.

One of the worst things about these accounts is the smug congrats they all give each other in the comments sections. They're all highway code lawyers, you see. They all have an intimate knowledge of the road and her many nuances. Who will be the first to say how right CycleDub is for screeching at a young mother on a school run about turning left at the appropriate junction? Who can say.

While there are indeed YouTube accounts like this that mainly serve to highlight to daily plight of the cyclist on troublesome British roads, CycleDub's is basically evidence that could one day be used in his manslaughter trial. A man so constantly, insidiously irate it defies belief that his heart continues to beat. Stress and exercise can be a dangerous combination. If nothing else, CycleDub wins the award for World's Most Terrifying Snitch.

@joe_bish

More in the series:

YouTube Channel of the Week