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Vice Blog

SEDUCING THE BANDS THIS FESTIVAL SEASON

It's festival season ladies, and if you want your ass all up on the upholstery of a sleeper tour bus you'd better start planning your tactics or some other band aid bitch will get there first. If you need some inspiration, look no further, because we've put together a series of five looks to enchant some of the most talented musicians gracing the stages this year.

Look no. 1: I'm a rockstar (I told ya baby) - Slash

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There's nothing Guns N' Roses like more than themselves. I'd recommend combining this Slash-inspired ensemble with carrying around a bottle of Jack Daniels and spraying it from your mouth every time you see someone in a suit. Is Slash even in Guns N' Roses anymore? Who knows? More importantly, who the fuck cares?

Look no. 2: I don't need this, my man got two jobs! (I only speak to people who play guitar) - The Drums

Ladies, word on the street is these guys would rather you stroke their egos than their dicks, so coax them out by surprising them with this bitchy-ass dude look.

Look no. 3: Cool party! (I've moved on since new rave too) - Klaxons

Two things we know Klaxons love: heroin chic and food from off licenses. Add some neon face paint, et voila - a versatile costume that acts as a water resistant layer for the glow paint that may or may not be sloshed at you while you're dancing your little heart out at the front of the crowd. While you're there, don't hesitate to get your tits out for the lads as a complimentary reference to their new song

FLASHOVER

(geddit?!), it's quite good.

Look no. 4: Indie Cindy (J'adore Serge Gainsbourg) - The Maccabees, The Futureheads, Vampire Weekend, The Temper Trap and on and on.

This 7"? Oh, I picked it up at a car boot sale in Berlin. I only play vinyl. CDs are for losers. Guys in bands dig girls in polka-dot dresses and glasses. The handbag is useful for holding your moleskins, completing a look that screams, "I connect with you on an intellectual level. I know all the lyrics to your first album." Take this route if you want to keep your options open or plan on having a mass orgy with several mediocre guitar bands.

Look no. 5: Sunday Day Ticket (I'm living on shattered faith) - Queens of the Stone Age

It's all about the smokey eye and your disregard for your body with this one. Greet everyone you meet with the opening line, "Give a fuck?" and get naked at every opportunity. WORDS: BILLIE JD PORTER PHOTOS: JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE STYLING: JORDAN SANTSCHI