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Vice Blog

BOOTLEGS RULE

I answered the doorbell the other day and, to my surprise, there one was one of those DVD guys with an array of bootlegs in his hand communicating with me via the three letters of English he's picked up: "DVD?" So, they've stepped up their operation and are doing door-to-door now? Does this mean that their battleground with the authorities will move to my doorstep? All the police had to do in the bars was put anti-pirating posters in the toilet, now I guess I'm going to have a man from FACT screaming about terrorism through my letterbox as I try and watch my knock-off copy of

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Marley & Me

. You take your chances with these illicit knock-offs. You pay two pounds and you take whatever shit you're given. Shoddy packaging is part of the deal; erroneous information, wrong spellings, bafflingly incorrect cast lists all expected. That's why you might get the synopsis to

Sister Act 2

on the back of your

Planet of the Apes DVD

. Still, I'd like to know exactly how this happens, especially the addition of negative review quotes. I suspect it's a combination of laziness, ignorance and perhaps a lack of dedication on the part of the pirates, although some of the below examples are the clear work of a saboteur.

Too self-absorbed to fully connect with an audience? Yes please, sounds fantastic.

This might be Hot Fuzz. But I don't remember Nick Frost looking that sexy. And when was Michael Madsen in it?

Apt.

How does this even happen? Whatever, it looks amazing. Can't wait to see him garroting Ewoks.

I'm 80% positive the Starship Enterprise isn't in

Star Wars

.

You know what though? Laugh all you want but there really have been a lot more plaid shirts around these days.