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Vice Blog

IT HAPPENED: I WAS HIT BY A SPEEDING CAR

There I was, on the side of the highway, trying to decide if I should hightail it out of town (I'm getting really sick of begging for mussels) or stick with what I know. It's cozy in Cozze, as they like to say, even if it's a little small for an adventurer such as myself. As I was deciding screw it, I'm heading into the wild blue yonder—wham! My shoulder torqued against some prick's speeding Pugeot. In the kind of bizarre twist of physics that makes you believe you'll meet your parallel universe doppelganger and the two of you will enjoy all the trash and humping two canines could possibly handle, I was sucked inside the car, where I hung on for dear life for 15 long miles inside the fucking grill. I'm fine, minus the smear of flesh I lost on the bumper. When I popped out I bit the shit out of that jerk. You can read about my story here.

GIUSEPPE