Sometimes when I watch porn, I believe that the dude is in
love with the woman. This happens when the movie features an eye-gazing, mouth
kissing, pussy-eating bro, like James Deen, who is so attentive and sensual as
to seem obsessed. It makes me sad, then, when I see James show the same level
of devotion to hundreds of other women in other vids. I'm like,
_Wait! Stay obsessed with the first one. _I was pretending she was me.__
The other day I was browsing Pornhub, preparing to
masturbate, when I found a scene where James
fucks his "girlfriend's mom." Through the tabs, I discovered that
the female lead is
Melissa Monet, who also stars in a lost favorite of mine: Milf Melissa and Her Hot Teen Daughter Missy Share Cock. (Those links are very NSFW, obvs.)
Milf Melissa
and Her Hot Teen Daughter Missy Share Cock
is a movie I used to
masturbate to on the reg. I loved this movie, because I have mommy issues and Melissa
Monet plays the ultimate hot nurturer: patient, generous, kind. Also, she is
Jewish like me, so in my fantasies she could actually be my mother.
When I masturbate to porn, I don't just masturbate to porn.
I have a very tangential mind that asks a lot of questions, which is probably
why it takes me, like, three years to have an orgasm. I was able to track down
Melissa Monet and ask her some of my questions about emotional attachment, vulnerability,
and what love even is.
So Sad Today: The scene you did with James Deen was so beautiful. Like,
all that kissing and eye-gazing. Did you feel any sadness or emotional
attachment after it was over? And, if not you, do you think the character you
were playing would feel any emotional attachment after? The next time she sees
him with her daughter will she be jealous or feel a pang of longing? Do
you think she will want him to text her? Or was it just completely, purely
physical for her and a one time thing?
Melissa Monet: There was a big backstory to my scene with James
Deen. As I have different roles behind the scenes, a lot of the actors and
actresses didn't know that I was also a performer. I was technically not
in front of the camera for 12 years, so up until that point, James only knew me
as a producer. It was strange, even awkward for me, which he seemed to revel
in. Thinking back, it created a sexual tension and anticipation not often
seen in this type of situation. The scene itself was very personal—he
whispered to me, called me by my real name, and cared more about my pleasure
than about the scene. I didn't feel any emotional attachment or sadness
afterwards. Perhaps in my younger days I might have, but definitely not at the
time.
As for my character, I would think she would
have felt a deep emotional attachment. She cheated on her husband and
betrayed her daughter, both of whom she was supposed to have loved. There
should be deep regret and an attachment to the person you are throwing all that
away for. I don't know about the jealousy part. I think maybe a little,
but with guilt thrown in. Her need is to be with a younger man who finds
her desirable, a man who excites her and brings her to orgasm in a fury that
she no longer experiences with her husband. She would want him to text
her, call her, and pursue her in any way possible just because her ego would
require it.
In my fantasies, James's character would become emotionally
attached to your character as well. But in reality, it seems likely that she
would ultimately—if not quickly—have her heart broken. The track record for
older women and much younger men isn't great in terms of lasting love.
How am I to differentiate between love and lust in my own life, and
in my own heart, when great works of art and great works of female-friendly
porn inspire me to want a lasting love with the intensity of a short-lived
scene? It sounds like it is possible—as a woman—to experience profound
sex with another person in ways that are deeply intimate, whispery, first
name-calling, without becoming emotionally attached. I'm wondering what age has
changed for you.
Are there statistics on older women/younger men relationships? How do you
know it doesn't always pan out? From what I know (I don't date younger
men), most of the women feel insecure… others prefer that the guy not be
younger than their children (for obvious reasons). I think it's too
complicated to actually have a theory about it. I always wonder what we
would talk about… our music tastes are probably different, school and timeline
experiences, etc.
I think a lot of people
have a hard time distinguishing between love and lust/possession/desire. Love plays in all of those things and vice versa, not always in a sexual way,
but everyone wants something out of it, even if it's just love… though that is
never enough, is it?
I can't speak for
everyone, but when you have that lust/passion/love triangle and also manage to
like and be compatible with that person, it's pretty spectacular. How
realistic is it? Hard to say. When you're in the middle of the peak
of the relationship, it's all rosy and the beginning should be intense and
amazing, but somewhere at the drop (and they all drop) disappointment sets in
and then disillusionment. How long and when depends on the individuals
and how hard they latch on to that one portion of the relationship where it was
phenomenal.
Sex without emotional attachment is relative. Who's to
say there isn't an emotional attachment all the time? It might be very
short lived or perhaps fizzle out with a word or action that gets in your craw
and snaps you back to reality. Women who can have sex this way usually
pick a pet peeve and give themselves an excuse to kick the person to the curb.
I don't have any
statistics about older women and younger men, other than what I've experienced in my
own life and amongst my friends. In a lot of these situations, it seems like the women don't even
necessarily want to be in a committed relationship with the men. A relationship would
probably be a disaster. But we want the assurance that we could have a
committed relationship if we wanted it.
I think that the desire
to be irresistible is one of the top turn-ons for many women—regardless of our
age or the age of our sexual partners. In the book
A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the Internet Tells Us About Sexual
Relationships
(one of my favorites) the authors talk about the idea of the
"magic hoo-hoo" and its prevalence in romance novels, wherein the male hero
gets "one taste" of the heroine's vagina and he becomes emotionally, and physically,
hooked on her. Perhaps this is part of James's popularity as a performer
amongst women. He looks hooked.
I've also read that cis women release the bonding
hormone, oxytocin, when we have an orgasm, whereas cis men do not (though I've
certainly gotten attached to people with whom I've faked orgasms or had no
orgasms). There have been so many times that I've gone into a sexual situation
with the intent that I am not going to get attached, but if the sex was good—or
the person was hot and just a good kisser—I got attached. I feel like my
chemistry betrays me!
Have you ever gotten emotionally
attached to one of your co-stars? Or have you seen it happen when you were in
directing or producing roles?
I personally have not and I have a fairly strict policy of
not shitting where I eat as far as talent goes. I did it once with a male
performer (the very first week I came into the biz… great guy and great fun)
and once with a female performer (within the first year of being in the biz… psycho and not fun). I have seen it a couple of times within the performers, but it
really runs the gamut and some people just wear their hearts on their sleeves.
I want to say that one thing I love
about you as an actress is that your orgasms seem real to me. I like that you close
your eyes and look lost in your own world. I can't have an orgasm without
closing my eyes and going into my own little world, so when that's mirrored to
me as an "OK" thing to do—to dissociate a little, even with a partner—it makes
me feel better about myself.
Often, when I watch straight porn, the actresses present
themselves as so easily orgasmic, whereas it takes me, like, at least 30
minutes of sustained cunnilingus and/or me touching myself or using my vibrator
to have an orgasm with another person. Are your orgasms onscreen real or fake?
Do you have trouble letting go? Or are you super orgasmic in real life?
Thank you! I don't fake my orgasms, but I don't have
to, I can literally come at the drop of a hat. Even if I get distracted, it
might delay it, but it doesn't change much.
I am so jeal. I wonder if the ease
with which one comes has anything to do with self-esteem. Like, feeling worthy
of receiving pleasure. It seems like you have a lot of confidence. I feel like
it takes a lot of confidence to be in the seductress role, as you are in
Milf Melissa and Her Hot Teen Daughter Missy
Share Cock.
One might think that Missy is ostensibly more vulnerable,
because she is younger and less experienced. Yet to me, the role of the seductress
is more vulnerable, because I fear rejection. Obviously, in porn, no one gets
rejected. But can you talk about what it's like to play the role of an older
pursuer and instigator, rather than the pursued.
For me it's not about
confidence… if that was the case I would not come as easily. It's really about
physiology. My nerve endings are extremely close to the surface so I don't need
a lot of stimulation, nor do I need hard or heavy stimulation. I can't use
a Hitachi or play on a Symbian for more than a few seconds, it's a waste for me and
takes away the build up of my pleasure. With every great thing comes a
curse… LOL.
I think you are confusing
confidence with too many variables. A lot of seductresses are extremely
insecure. They use the seductive trait as a way to distract themselves
from their shyness or insecurities. I may be a totally different animal,
as I just go and try not to think. If I did I may not have the confidence to be
with anyone.
While you would think porn doesn't have rejection, it most
certainly does. I have faced it twice, both with loser
performers. One was high and tried to use me as his scapegoat as to why he
couldn't get hard. It was unfortunate for him that I had performed with
the director many times when he was talent and he loved fucking me. The
other was when I first came back after a 12-year hiatus. Some newer loser
said he couldn't get hard because I was too old and gross. I heard him
behind my back say all kinds of asshole shit. I refused to finish the
scene and walked out. I almost didn't perform again because of it, but
the next scene was the one with James Deen.
Yes, you're right. I think seduction can definitely be used
to cover up insecurities in other areas. I've definitely sent some of my
filthiest sexts when I felt the most needy. Like, if a bro isn't texting back,
I know I can get him to text me back if I hit him with the nudes or the hot
sexts. But then where does that get me? It only recently dawned on me that
using sex to get attention just means that dudes want sex. Like, it isn't that
hard to get that kind of attention. I think I used to get way more validation
out of it, particularly if the dude was a lot younger, because I saw it as an
"I've still got it" thing. Now I'm kind of like, "Got what? He'd probably fuck
anybody."
What I meant by no rejection in porn is that the viewer
never sees it. But those experiences sound painful. But speaking of the
inability to get it up, I have one last question from a guy friend. I told him
it's a dumb question, but he's like "When are you going to have this resource
again?" He wants to know how the dudes in porn stay hard for so long without
coming? (Of course he does.)
How the guys stay hard
runs the gamut… some are just naturals, some are automatons, some take a lot of
time or breaks, some don't do so well under pressure or only do well under
certain circumstances, and some use medical help (Viagra and the like). It
depends on so many things. And most of the guys don't last as long as it
seems, there is something called "movie magic," you only see what we
want you to see.
is a porn star, writer, director, and producer, among many other things.
She loves animals, sci-fi, and the New York Rangers.
So Sad Today is a never-ending existential crisis played out in 140 characters or less. Its anonymous author has struggled with consciousness since long before the creation of the Twitter feed in 2012, and has finally decided the time has come to project her anxieties on a larger screen, in the form of a biweekly column on this website.