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What's More Important: Heating and Water or the Internet?

"We can make love to heat ourselves up."
April 10, 2013, 2:42pm

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A recent poll revealed that 40 percent of Britain's population would prefer to lose both their water and heating than go on living without an internet connection. Maybe that's indicative of the time we're living in. Or maybe, while having a boundless, infinitely varied selection of pornography at your fingertips is undoubtedly crucial, some people just don't get that not dying of hypothermia or dehydration is a little more important in the grand scheme of things.

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Or is it? Can't your comfort and wellbeing just be side-lined when you've got the prospect of endless butthurt comment warfare and Simpsons GIFs to tide you over? I wanted to gauge the public opinion again, so I went to ask some people in London a question: What's more important – water and heating or the internet?

Milda and Vitanis, "being in love is our job".

Milda: In England? The internet, of course! Heating is not important.
Vitanis: We can make love to heat ourselves up.

VICE: What about in a toss up between water and internet?
Milda: Oh, well water is really, really important.
Vitanis: Yeah, it is. I'd have to go for water on that one.

So what would you do without the internet? Water isn't going to give you access to videos of goats screaming like humans.
Milda: Listen to the radio. We're from Lithuania and we'd want to hear about our home and culture, so we'd miss the internet for that reason. Although I suppose we could always write post cards.

Alice, works for gift company: Oh, that's a difficult one.

Yeah, you don't want to sound like a dick. 
I'd say the internet is more important. With heating, you can always put more clothes on, but the internet is something I need more. Although, I suppose I could always go for heating then travel somewhere else for internet – make a day of it, you know?

Yep. What's the longest you could go without internet?
Probably a day. I'm always wanting to check my email and I, like, really need to talk to people a lot.

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Okay then. Thanks, Alice.

Ruth, architect: Heating, definitely.

Say something crazy was going on, like the state of Wyoming made it compulsory for everyone to carry weapons all the time. Wouldn't you want to see photos?
Oh, well I still buy newspapers and I own a typewriter. I'm a bit archaic. Mind you, I'd like to keep up with all of the news and at least have a radio if not the internet. My friends accuse me of not having an online presence because I don't have Facebook or Twitter.

Lawrence, works for a courier company: You'd be alright for six months without heating. I'd keep the internet, although winter wouldn't be too fun.

What about the internet is so important to you?
Social networking is a big thing, and just the amount of information out there that you can access online would be hard to go without. Tube maps are useful, too.

What about water? How many days would you sacrifice showering for to have an internet connection?
I would definitely choose water, so none. I spent many years without the internet, so I think I could live without it.

What if someone uploaded naked photos of all of your favourite celebrities? What would you give up to see that?
I think I could live without that.

Jason, marketing director: Heating, because it's bloody cold.

Are you not that attached to the internet, then?
I can live without it; we have for thousands of years. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy what I can get from it, but if it's a case of living or being online, then I choose life.

What do you think would happen if the internet just completely crashed forever?
We'd go back to how we were doing things 20 years ago. There are some benefits that we've lost because of the internet, and getting back to that kind of communication and simplicity would be good in a way. The internet has helped us get a hold of a lot of complex and amazing stuff.

How do you feel about people who would choose the internet over heating and water?
I'll live longer than them.

Previously - What International Day Would You Establish?