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Brewers Shortstop Jean Segura Has Perfected Sliding Into Third Like a Weirdo

Forget everything you ever learned about sliding. That's what Jean Segura did and look how that turned out!
August 30, 2015, 11:12pm
*RBI Triple in the 8th inning of 4-1 win over the Reds.

I'm not going to bother you with context*—it doesn't really matter—I'm just going to put this here and say that any baseball player who ever decides to slide into a bag should manage to disable half of his upper body by sliding on his shoulder and then hope against hope that he can still complete the slide. At some point, he should notice the location of the bag relative to his own body and think to himself hmm, that's weird. I don't think the bag should be over there before closing his eyes and giving in to the inevitability of momentum.

Then, when he's finally done, he should just writhe around on the ground for a couple minutes before being helped up by a coach or teammate.