That's So Ravin': Dance Like No One is Watching

Every music genre has its netherworld, full of unspoken tricks of the trade and a code that helps keep things alive—no matter how dirty and scandalous it may appear from the outside. Our That's So Ravin' columnists have been down… and get around. Worldwide party purveyors and dancefloor makers offer up some party tips for ya, free of charge.

Dear Ravin,
I love going out with my friends and being at the club, but my dance moves suck and I have no rhythm. Is there any hope for me?
TJ, Bethesda, MD

Dear TJ,
Look, if you love dancing regardless of your lack of moves, then keep doin' what you're doin' mister. If your friends aren't complaining, even better. You can have no rhythm all night long but if you are genuinely enjoying yourself then who gives a shit! Just keep smiling and do your thing.

Dear Ravin,
What the fuck is up with these rude-ass bouncers? I feel like I'm being accused of shit before I even get through the door. It's messed up.
Nathan, Chicago

Dear Nathan,
You aren't the first one to complain about over-zealous security guards. They aren't all jerks. Security guards are meant to maintain peace inside the venue, keep weapons of mass destruction out, and pull passed-out girls off the toilet and send them home. Most of these guys actually just wish they were out on the dancefloor with you guys, so give them a break.

When you combine that with being larger than the average population and late-night hours spent telling people in line to shut up and respect the neighbors you have AGGRO DOORMAN! Next time you're dealing with this as you await entry, just take a deep breath and go to your happy place. You'll be on the dancefloor soon enough, and Mr. Doorman won't.

Got a burning question for Ravin? Email her with your thoughts, dilemmas, and all-out rants to ravin.samoan@vice.com