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Tips for Listening to Adele That Also Apply to Rough Sex

Draw the blinds, close the door, text your roommates you're busy: This kind of thing is best done in private.
November 20, 2015, 8:00pm
Image via YouTube

Hydrate well beforehand. You've got a long night ahead of you.

Consider lighting candles to set the mood.

Draw the blinds, close the door, text your roommates you're busy: This kind of thing is best done in private.

If you have neighbors, watch the volume, unless you want to deal with a lot of concerned looks tomorrow.

It can be helpful to put down a towel before things really get going.

Body negativity is unnecessary and unwelcome.

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This will be especially heavy if you've just gone through a breakup.

Pick a safe word. (Not "hello.")

Do not attempt while drunk.

Know your limit: 20 minutes per session is often enough. Feel free to take breaks as needed.

While caught up in the moment, make sure not to tell someone you love them for the first time.

It will feel like it's too much, but you can probably breathe through it.

Don't worry about tears—it's more fun if you cry.

Try not to think about whether your mom is doing the same thing right now.

Don't get carried away and decide this is something you could do professionally.

It's going to hurt. Remember: It's supposed to.

Don't be ashamed—everybody has done this at least once in their lives.

Make sure a person you trust is available to provide appropriate aftercare. This may include: cuddling, soft hair petting, gentle coo sounds, and food.

There's a healthy way and an unhealthy way to enjoy this activity. If it's becoming compulsive, seek help, or switch to Justin Bieber's Vevo for a while.