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'Drag Race All Stars' Recap: The Kennedy Assassination

In this week's episode, wigs were worn on wigs worn on wigs.
Image via VH1

The following post contains spoilers for the February 8 episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars season three.

This third episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars has me reevaluating my choices, as Tatiana would say. Did I really want Milk to win? Has he really been my favorite all along? Have I really hated Kennedy Davenport with the fiery passion of a million herpes outbreaks?

Yes, all of that was true, but I’m not sure anymore. Of course Kennedy decided to spill the Milk and send the fashion queen home, and, I have to say, it was much deserved. Her fate was really sealed in the first moments of the episode, when she talked trash about Kennedy’s drag and tried to make Shangela and BenDeLaCreme justify why they sent Thorgy packing instead of Kennedy. Later, when they were all getting ready, Kennedy let us know what really hurt was that she thought she and Milk were best Judys from being on tour together.

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Of course when Kennedy was in the top two and Milk was in the bottom she knew exactly whose lipstick she was going to pick. No need to interview the other girls, no need to pass go, no need to collect $200. (Because, well, she collected $10,000 winning that lip sync.) Kennedy would have been stupid to send home Chi Chi or Aja when the one queen who was gunning for her the whole time was up for elimination.

It all started when they learned that this week’s challenge would be an improv challenge where they would be all contestants on a dating show parody called "The Bitchelor" and were given characters to play while out on a date with dreamy UnREAL star Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman.

The first date was Bebe Zahara Benet, dressed as Eddie Murphy’s mother from Coming to America and BenDeLaCreme playing a “cougar” that sort of looked like Christine Ebersole on a bender during a Broadway at Sea package cruise. Bebe was supposed to be playing a virgin, but she just kept giggling and throwing roses at Jeffrey’s feet. Meanwhile Ben was totally stealing the scene by chewing up a banana and spitting it out, an activity usually reserved for the backroom at the Cock.

Trixie Mattel played a fake bitch, and she was just perfect. She was on her phone the whole time like every girl in line at Sweetgreen pretending like she cares about other people but just wants to make sure that her Everlane delivery will make it on time. Milk was supposed to be playing a stalker. Not only did she look like the drowned ghost that Michelle Pfeiffer sees in What Lies Beneath, but she was incredibly extra. She was more extra than a sugar-free gum commercial on crystal meth. Trixie, who nailed every line she got in, was clearly frustrated and started talking trash about Milk right to her face. Luckily she was in the right character.

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Kennedy was supposed to be playing a party girl but went one better by showing up as a ratchet country bumpkin with a skin-tight outfit, busted teeth, and makeup that looked straight out of the only contour kit you can buy at 7-Eleven. She brought the party by taking shot glasses and a flask out of her considerable cleavage, but it was her country shtick that made everyone gag. She even went so far as to take off her wig and try to tongue kiss Jeffrey. Aja was totally outmatched while playing some girl who was just giggly and dumb. She was supposed to be needy and insecure, but everyone thought Aja didn’t know what that means. They’re right.

The saddest of all was Chi Chi and Shangela playing a polyamorous couple. Chi Chi looked like a humpy stripper, and Shangela looked like a librarian with a secret. (The secret being that she’s just as uptight as we think she is.) While Shangela was trying to carry the scene, Chi Chi was dead weight, and the whole thing collapsed under Chi Chi’s inability to snatch it together.

On the runway the challenge was “Wigs on Wigs on Wigs.” Everyone had at least one wig reveal, but there were a few who did it better than most. BenDeLaCreme not only had a wig hiding under her wig, she had more wigs hiding under her dress when she transformed it into a skirt made out of hair like something from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Aja came out as Sailor Moon on too many magic mushrooms, and kept peeling off wigs, each more sci-fi fantastic than the last. Trixie was giving us Mrs. Roper realness in her 70s caftans and wigs of different lengths. It was the best she ever looked.

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The tops were Trixie, Ben, and Kennedy Davenport. Kennedy’s "The Bitchelor" performance was gag-worthy, but I still think her looks lacked taste and refinement. She was wearing a Diana Ross rip-off dress and all of her wigs looked cheap and matted. I’m sorry, judges, but I just don’t see it.

The bottoms were Milk, Aja, and Chi Chi. Aja and Chi Chi both looked career best on the runway, but their performances were both so bad they belonged there. Aja cleared up for the judges that she doesn’t know what insecure means. Yikes.

Backstage, Milk was shocked that she was in the bottom two at all. I think that Milk’s arrogance comes from being hot as a boy. He’s used to people telling him he’s an absolute genius and getting what he wants because people want to get in his pants. The problem is he’s not as brilliant as he thinks.

He really talked himself into getting sent home, though. If he hadn’t been so shady and arrogant to Kennedy’s face, he might not have gone packing. I mean, clearly Chi Chi deserved her walking papers, especially after she essentially gave up and said that she couldn’t fight any more to stay. Kennedy made a strategic decision to keep her and look out for her own back, which is how this game should be played. But, yes, it makes it for a little bit sadder of a competition.

Going into this season, I never thought I would have a little bit of hatred for Milk and a little bit of love for Kennedy. But here we are. I respect Kennedy for her game play, but I’m still waiting to be wowed by her drag. Sign up for our newsletter to get the best of VICE delivered to your inbox daily.