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Hell on the High Seas: Gastro Strikes Giant Cruise Ship Bound for Sydney

Cleaners are power hosing the vessel top to bottom, after some 200 passengers were hit with the bug.
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There are those who believed, naively it now seems, that nothing could be worse than the poo so bad it forced a British Airways flight to turn around en route from London to Dubai. And perhaps there isn’t. But, my god, a case of gastro striking one of the world’s biggest cruise ships has to be up there.

The Ovation of the Seas will need to be “comprehensively sanitised and cleansed” after some 200 people were hit with gastro as the ship pulled into port in Tasmania on Tuesday. Owned by Royal Caribbean, it is the fifth largest cruise ship in the world and can carry 5,800 passengers.

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“Those affected by the short-lived illness were treated by our ship’s doctors with over-the-counter medication, and we hope all our guests feel better quickly,” Royal Caribbean said. “Meanwhile, we’re taking steps like intensive sanitary procedures to minimise the risk of any further issues.”

These “intensive sanitary procedures” include cleaners blasting the ships brutalised interior hallways with power hoses.

This latest incident is yet further proof that Baby Boomers’ literal addiction to cruises is insane. Not only do you face the possibility of being trapped in a projectile vomit prison, cruise ship murders are so common there’s a whole website dedicated to documenting them.

And when you are inevitably murdered on said cruise ship, there's only a very minuscule chance your killer will be brought to justice. In the US, only 16 percent of cruise ship murders resulted in a conviction. Why? Well, there are a number of factors at play but a key one is the fact that cruise crime scenes tend to be easily contaminated because there aren't any police on board.

Contaminated by what, you ask? Well, power hosing away gastro-infused vomit probably doesn't make for the best evidence handling.

Enjoy the high seas, Boomers. We're good over here on dry land.