How To Address Financial Infidelity in Your Relationship

We all know that finances are a touchy topic in relationships. As much as we wish we could skip over those stressful, oftentimes tense discussions about money, they’re important to have—especially when it comes to shared finances.

A recent survey by Casinos Analyzer found that 41% of people hide their spending from a partner. What’s more, 57% said this habit has led to a breakup.

With summer about to be in full swing, spending will likely rise—and with it will potentially be financial infidelity. Here’s how to avoid this form of betrayal in your relationship.

What is financial infidelity?

Simply put, financial infidelity basically involves dishonesty around finances in a relationship. Perhaps you’re lying about what you spent your recent paycheck on, or maybe you’ve been hiding the thousands of dollars of debt you’ve somehow accumulated.

According to the Illinois Department of Central Management Services, “Financial infidelity is when one person in a committed relationship keeps financial secrets from the other. This could be in the form of keeping a secret credit card or bank account or hiding income or debt from your partner. Basically, if you are intentionally being secretive or dishonest with your partner about financial matters over an extended period of time (e.g., not near Christmas or your anniversary when you have a secret gift planned), you may be committing financial infidelity.”

This secrecy can be detrimental to your relationship.

“Financial infidelity—whether it’s hiding a purchase, downplaying debt, or quietly overspending—can be just as damaging as any other form of betrayal,” said Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, licensed relationship therapist and expert at Casinos Analyzer.

Similar to the impacts of emotional or physical infidelity, financial infidelity can cause the victim to blame themselves or feel insecure in the relationship. 

“It chips away at trust and leaves one partner in the dark, often sensing something’s wrong without knowing why,” Bronstein continued. “That person usually second-guesses their instincts and might not share how they’re feeling. Over time, this creates emotional distance and a disconnect that’s hard to bridge.”

Avoiding financial infidelity

Financial infidelity, like any other form of betrayal, should be avoided at all costs. Healthy communication is crucial in any successful relationship. If you’re hiding your financial woes or poor spending habits from your partner, in some ways, you are cheating them of the truth.

“Talking about spending, even when it’s uncomfortable, is a way for couples to begin reconnecting—not necessarily to fix their finances, but to understand each other better,” Bronstein said. “That’s how you build trust.”

Be honest, open, and vulnerable when opening up to your partner. Give them the chance to support you. If you end up feeling criticized and ridiculed, it’s time for a deeper conversation.  

On the other hand, if you suspect your partner of committing financial infidelity, it’s best to open a safe, non-judgmental discussion about the matter. 

“If you suspect your partner might be hiding something from you financially, address it carefully,” the Illinois Department of Central Management Services advised. “Don’t be accusatory, and while you might be angry, it is important to try to have a rational conversation instead of an emotionally driven one.”

At the end of the day, it all comes down to healthy communication.