‘I Miss God So Much’

As copy editor of VICE.com, it’s my job to read every word that appears on our site and make sure everything is in its right place—that all the commas and semicolons are where they need to be, names and places are spelled correctly, and “fuccboi” is written in the proper style. Over the course of the day, some sentences from our stories catch my eye, usually because they’re good or funny or odd or compelling in some way. Here they are now, presented with zero context, for the week of September 25. To find out why they exist or how they were used, simply click the link for the full story.

– I miss God so much.

– I think it could very well be that at some point I’ll be sitting on a bench with Hitler in heaven.

– One time I saw him break a two-by-four with his head.

– The liquor cabinet can safely be left unlocked.

– It’s like semen but worse.

– I hate this fucking website, and yet I must refresh.

– If I have a stroke during the call, it’ll be good PR for you.

– I hear the sound of her throwing up.

– So he got his inflatable pool out of his spare room, and I just laid in it as he poured jug after jug of custard all over my body.

– Found her boobs.

– Everyone hates when jokes are explained to them, but I’m going to explain this one out anyway.

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