About half the people in committed relationships are walking around with a crush they haven’t mentioned to their partner. That number comes from actual research, which should bring a little relief to anyone currently feeling guilty about the barista.

A 2025 paper in Personal Relationships pulled together studies showing that 47% to 70% of adults in long-term monogamous relationships have felt attracted to someone else at some point. That’s not to say everyone is one happy hour away from disaster, though. In one study, only 3% crossed into infidelity with their crush during a four-month follow-up.

The crush becomes more interesting when home life already sucks. A 2024 study in The Journal of Sex Research found that stronger attraction to someone else went along with lower relationship quality, greater interest in cheating, and a higher chance of a breakup four months later. People who felt happier with their partners were much less distracted by whoever else was around.

The Difference Between a Harmless Crush and a Relationship Red Flag

A crush crosses into dangerous territory once you start feeding it your energy. Thinking someone is hot is normal. Finding excuses to text them, imagining a future with them, or using them as your emotional escape whenever things at home aren’t great is a different level of involvement. The 2025 research found that attraction that kept getting stronger toward the same person was linked with declining relationship quality.

Social media gives a crush absurdly easy access to your attention. A coworker eventually leaves the building. But, someone online can follow you into bed, the bathroom, breakfast, and whatever regrettable scrolling you’re doing before bed. Researchers call this parasocial attraction when the connection mostly exists through a screen. This access makes it very easy to keep a fantasy alive.

A crush by itself doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed. But if the attraction hangs around, grows stronger, and starts getting more emotional attention than your actual partner, it could be pointing to trouble already underway. The harder question is usually what you’re getting from the crush that you’re no longer getting at home.