It’s been a big night. The sun is rising, you still haven’t slept, and you can’t work out whether the man you kept hugging in Fabric because he “looked like your mum” was actually a man, or, in fact, your mum. You have six empty litre-bottles of WKD next to your bed, no phone or memory past 4 AM, and an overwhelming desire to watch The Wire while standing up.
But hey, at least you’re not as bad as the guy who went on a five-day bender and got arrested while filling a hotel bathtub with potatoes!
James Johnson, 30, had planned to go on a humble, one-night sesh with his friends. To facilitate this, he ordered £750 worth of drugs from the dark web booked into a Travelodge in Eastleigh, near Southampton.
Four days later, Johnson and his friends were found high off their proverbial tits in the hotel, dressed in women’s underwear with a bag of potatoes.
According to local Southampton paper the Southern Daily Echo, Johnson was arrested after police found him intoxicated and attempting to fill the hotel bathtub with potatoes. They also discovered a number of drugs—including MDMA, the hallucinogen 2CB, and 5-MAPB—in his hotel room. He was charged with possession with intent to supply.
Police handed the illegal substances over to drug experts following Johnson’s arrest. Tests showed that due to the impurity of the drugs, they were only worth about £300. Gutted.
According to the Daily Echo, the prosecutor in Johnson’s case said that police had seen him “with the bag of potatoes and in women’s clothing.” He speculated, “it may be this that led officers to believe that he was intoxicated.”
The judge, who described the case as “odd and bizarre,” asked Johnson why he had embarked on a five-day potato bath-themed bender. He replied: “It felt like the right thing to do at the time.”
Sounds about right.