America, Please Don’t Ruin The Rock by Making Him President
Art by Noel Ransome


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America, Please Don’t Ruin The Rock by Making Him President

Signed, the rest of the world.

A universal fact is that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is easily the most likeable famous person on Earth—apologies to my Canadian prime minister. Everything about him exudes warmth and kindness. I hate almost all famous people, but I'd be personally offended if someone didn't like The Rock. In fact, I feel comfortable saying only the worst type of hater would find a way to dislike him. The fact that his name is Dwayne (truly a bad name) and that he's barely in any great movies doesn't matter—The Rock's never made a movie worse, only better. Currently the highest paid actor in the world, I don't want to imagine a planet where we end up hating The Rock. But if The Rock runs for president that may soon become a reality.


Since the emergence of Donald Trump as a potential (and then actual) world leader, it seems like people have been toying with the idea of other famous, unqualified people running the United States. With Trump elected, any celebrity seems potentially presidential now. One fantasy many have been pushing for is The Rock running for president. We then got a full taste of what that would be like when he was GQ's May 2017 cover star with a profile titled, "Dwayne Johnson for President." The profile itself made everyone fall in love with The Rock all over again (he's so nice it makes me want to punch myself, but in a good way) reveals that he would actually consider a run for president:

Johnson doesn't hesitate when I ask him whether he honestly might one day give up his life as the highest-paid movie star on earth—which is unquestionably easier, more fun, and more lucrative than being president of the United States—in order to run for office. "I think that it's a real possibility," he says solemnly.

As first reported by The Hill, a campaign has officially been filed on behalf of the actor under the name, "Run the Rock 2020." And while he hasn't confirmed anything, it has many Americans excited. Of course, The Rock becoming president wouldn't be the first time an actor made the jump to politics—it's not exactly unheard of. Considering how shitty things are for American citizens right now, I don't blame them! In the GQ profile, The Rock said all the right things that would make anyone under Trump swoon. When asked about how he felt Trump was doing, he deflected the question by saying exactly what he feels is important. He would take responsibility for everyone and be a real leader, he would sit and talk with anyone who disagreed with him. He's quite literally, the opposite of Trump—the fit seems natural. Only, I hate the idea of The Rock becoming president and if he even went as far as running my heart would break. Unless you're lying to yourself, you know that politicians are either bad people at heart or good people forced into doing bad things. Anyone who becomes president will have to do bad, awful things. With all his charm, intelligence and easy going nature—Barack Obama did some pretty shitty things as president. His administration killed a lot of people, because that's what presidents have to do. The government kills people! Do you want to know The Rock has been responsible for killing (real) people?

When Trump revealed himself to be more of a dick than anyone could imagine, suddenly every movie cameo he made was off-putting, like it didn't belong there. I can't even watch Home Alone 2 anymore. Imagine this happening but with The Rock. Do you want to watch Furious 7, and have to be like, "Oh yes, The Rock, my beloved and comforting Dwayne just greenlit a drone strike on some poor nameless people in Somalia." I sure don't. I only want to hate people I've never loved or admired. Even if President The Rock immediately ended the use of drones and turned the US military machine into the Peace Corp on Day One, there would be cynical decisions that cut into the perfection that is Dwayne Johnson. He would have to compromise on health care. He would bow down to the gun lobby in one way or another like every other president. In a million little ways he would become a lesser Rock. Frankly, it's selfish for Americans to consider letting this happen. Current desperation doesn't mean they should ruin the only good and pure thing they have going for them. Right now in America, there has to be some very eager young person willing to overthrow Trump in 2020 (and a bunch more old people). Someone who isn't famous and beloved that's willing to sell their soul and do the awful things required to become powerful. That person shouldn't be The Rock. Please America, for just this once, think of the rest of the planet before yourselves. Follow Sarah Hagi on Twitter.