If you’ve paid any attention to Reddit or LiveLeak or, like, whatever grainy footage Deborah Norville will introduce during today’s episode of Inside Edition, you’ve probably realized that if you’ve committed a minor crime, you’ve likely also been caught on camera. It might be a witness with an iPhone, it might be a security camera tucked in the corner, or it might be that Ring doorbell that you didn’t notice when you were reaching for the box with the Amazon logo on it, but buddy, you’ve been recorded.
But one guy in New Jersey decided that he didn’t just want to be an extra in Dunkin’ Donuts’ security footage, so he live-streamed his own doughnut theft. In a clip shared by the South Brunswick Township Police Department, the as-yet-unidentified man can be seen holding his phone up while he dances on the restaurant’s counter before jumping down and swiping a doughnut and a bottled drink. He continues filming himself as he walks past a table of bewildered customers, and then the security footage ends.
“Wanted—Donut Desperado,” the South Brunswick cops tweeted on Tuesday. “On June 1st at 8:28pm this actor jumped the counter at @dunkindonuts on George's Rd took a donut while live streaming. This is 2nd incident.” (“How did this even become a second incident,” one person responded. “Catch him and give him life in prison without bail. Taking that donut is unforgivable.” It says a lot about the state of both social media and Society in General that we’re still not sure whether he’s serious or not.)
According to WPVI, the same guy allegedly livestreamed himself in mid-May at the Chinese restaurant across the street. "The guy was running into the restaurant," Mike Liu, the manager at Cheng’s Garden, told the station. "He was holding his phone shooting himself." He said, 'Oh you gave me bad fortune. You gave me a bad fortune.'"
Liu said that, although the Unknown Streamer seemed to be wearing the same red hoodie that he wore in the Dunkin’ footage, his M.O. was slightly different: This time, he dropped two bucks on the counter after taking a soda. (Liu admitted that he was “unnerved” by the incident, and called the police afterward.)
“We are aware of the matter that took place at the Dunkin' restaurant located in Monmouth Junction, NJ,” a Dunkin' Donuts spokesperson told the news station in a statement. “The franchisee who owns and operates this location informs us that the safety and well-being of his crew members and customers are top priorities and he is cooperating fully with the police investigating this incident. As this is an ongoing investigation, we defer any additional questions to the local authorities.”
If you recognize this individual, the South Brunswick cops would like you to give them a call. And if you know where he’s streaming, go ahead and let us know—we’re just curious about what kind of snack he might grab in the next episode.