Brooooo. How did you wait this long, again? Mother’s Day is in six days, which isn’t even enough time to make reservations at certain cult-fave restaurants, let alone carve a bust of the woman who birthed your dumb face. Obligatory chastising aside: Don’t worry. We’ve all been there. You’re in good company, and, no, you are not asking for the impossible when you Ask Jeeves (RIP), “What are the best last minute Mother’s Day gifts that she won’t be able to sniff out?”
You have to think out of the box, but not in a way that feels totally forced. There are contraptions for brightening, massaging, and feeding mommy dearest that can hit with all the giddy joy of a novelty item, but actually have staying power (see: that smooooth pasta maker) in her life.
We’ve got the best pots, yoga mats, and pet psychic sessions [opens carpet bag]; we’ve got massage gadgets that won’t take up tons of space, and a “venomous” serum that is supposed to do some Dorian Grey-level face zhuzhing. There’s even an actually unique bouquet in there, for you classic kids.
The power to boil entire generations of crawfish
There’s nothing more heartstopping than a 17-pound, 44-quart lobster pot, capable of steaming the whole tide pool, corn field, bounty of tamales—the list goes on—for Mama’s summer BBQ. Plus: It’s got stage presence. Won’t it look great with a big, red velvet bow on top? Put the grandbaby in it for a photoshoot, if your mother is Midwestern/has a cabinet of those Hallmark store ceramic birthday angels.
Whoop it up!
Cameo is hands down the best part of late-stage capitalism. In sum, it gives us plebs the chance to commission a personalized video greeting from a smorgasbord of celebs, from Ray Abruzzo to Sean Astin; Carole Baskin to Lance Bass (and those are some of the bigger names. Does anyone know what’s up with “Dan Sperry, magician?”). The gem of Cameo’s crown, IMO, is Real Housewives of Orange County OG Vicki Gunvalson. As in, “I make my own money, and I make my own rules” Vicki. After over a decade on reality TV, you know she can turn around a personal message real fast (24-hour delivery available) and real well. (Plus, you can see videos she’s done in the past to get a feel for the vibe.) Make sure Mom has a marg on hand for this one.
Sorry, robo mommy is OOO
This heat- and pressure-massaging eye mask is definitely that transitional gear in the sci-fi or superhero movie that the main character needs to do The Very Hard Thing. (Like mothering you!) There are six preset massage modes, including “Automatic,” “Vitality,” “Sleep,” and, yes, “Child.” Because nothing screams “Mother’s Day” like the literal child setting on the eye massager.
Ice for your ice queen
No one is frostier than mother—except for these icy facial globes—which have quickly become a cult-fave skincare item on Amazon with over 1,500 reviews and a 4.5-star rating. Just place them in the fridge for an hour or so, then use them to gently apply serums into your face or massage your forehead and temples. “I am an Esthetician and I absolutely love these for my facials,” writes on reviewer, “I would recommend them to anyone who needs relief from inflammation, redness, or sensitivity in their skin.”
A date with a pet psychic
Whether she just wants to know if her pet thinks her new Raya match is really Ben Affleck, or there’s an underlying issue she needs to deal with [points to poop in the bathtub], this telepathy class is purported to teach one the beginning steps of pet telepathy. Let us know how it goes?
This will probably become part of her body
I mean, would you ever take it off? This looks like both the least cumbersome, yet most effective way to become a walking, human Brookstone massage chair. Have mummy close her eyes whilst you drape this portable massage sash over her shoulders for a deep tissue treatment.
A streak of the pyro
For the mom who likes crème brûlée and dabs. Think of all the sunny side-up eggs, the fish, and summertime oysters she’ll torch with that special glow in her eye. La vie en flambé.
Cooking with a legend
MasterClasses give us the same energy as Cameo, but in a ~classy~ way. They’re like going to night school, but in bed, and you don’t have to see anyone else except renowned chef Alice Waters, who revolutionized the meaning of American cuisine with her Bay Area restaurant, Chez Panisse. Her class was recorded in her very kitchen, and will teach mother the ins-and-outs of cooking “in harmony with nature” just like Waters. Don’t be surprised if she cuts her hair and starts buying more hemp linen.
Finally, you can afford to buy Mom a Roomba
She had to endure labor—she deserves a robot butler, which you can’t afford. But you’re in luck because you finally can afford to get her the Roomba she’s always wanted. This self-driving disk comes with a bunch of different cleaning modes, is really quiet, works with Amazon Alexa, and is currently 33% off.
Has she tried hot honey yet?
It’s delicious. This honey is so sweet, with the perfect touch of spice. This honey is a metaphor for mother. Drizzle it on toast, waffle fries, BBQ ribs, salads—it elevates everything. If she likes Beatrix Potter, try integrating it into this *muah* chicken fried rabbit recipe.
This might also be sex furniture?
Not sure yet. Never seen a yoga kit like this. It really hits that Adam & Eve sex kit bundle energy with that shade of red, which could be a cool-horny gift for your wife/partner this Mother’s Day. Maybe gift it with coconut oil, mother nature’s favorite kitchen lube.
Prima di tutto: Pasta
Necessary, for the Nancy Meyers movie montage/cooking scene she deserves. Can’t you just picture Meryl Streep cracking a perfect, tilted smile whilst a curtain of fettuccine rolls out? Shouldn’t that be your mommy?
She *will* like flowers, if they’re cool
OK, so those sad grocery store tulips that will de-petal in a day are a big last minute no-no. We would rather you give her a bouquet of rocks (actually sounds really cute?). Anyways. People write off last minute flowers because the thought invokes images of funeral bouquets and corny crap. But there are plenty of spots where you can get a unique stunner of a bouquet, like Bouqs, which is currently offering 30% off using the code: BOUQSDAY.
Keep her juiced on snail mucin and bee venom
All the wonders of spring, squeezed into a single brightening and anti-wrinkle serum. Which is cool. But we’re mostly obsessed with the idea of giving mother a bottle of her own beauteous venom potion, made with stuff from bugs. How cool is that?
Mommy is brighter than the sun
Lightweight, sturdy, and very Diane Keaton circa Something’s Gotta Give. These tortoiseshell shades look way more expensive than they are and will match pretty much everything in her wardrobe.
Escape to Provence
We would love to gift mommy a last-minute trip to Baguetteland, but alas, the purse strings are not that ample at the moment (one day). For now, we’re bringing the storybooks streets of Provence to her with this gorgeous TASCHEN art book filled with everything from “lavish chateaus to quiet, antique retreats.”
Mommy wants some cake
Was Mom asking you recently if those pants made her butt look big? We hope you said yes, because—as you should very well know—we’re in the year of the cake right now. Milk Bar recently launched a limited-edition Blueberry Muffin Truffle Box for Mother’s Day this year, and the dozen little blueberry muffin cake balls are studded in crumbly goodness and topped with crunchy sprinkles that will make Mom wish they were available year-round.
Have her lounge like a goddess
This Mother’s Day, make Mom’s shower experience as luxurious as possible with this top-rated Brooklinen waffle robe made with Turkish cotton. It’s quick-drying, sleek, lightweight, and perfect for post-sexy times. (Though, we try not to think about that.) It’s great for lounging, drying off after a bath, or wearing on days when she just doesn’t feel like putting clothes on.
Now smash that order button, dear procrastinator.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.