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I Finally Understand Ascot

Hats look great on me, what can I say.
June 21, 2013, 3:00pm

A weekly roundup of anything fashion-related that's made us excited about having bodies that we can dress with clothes.


We love Tessa Edwards, firstly because she makes genuinely good fashion films which is kind of rare, and secondly because she sews nipple rings into T-shirts. You might remember Tessa for the amazing crystal jewellery she's made, or you might have seen her on the bus sometime, wearing a fluffy sheepskin cut-out circle hoop croptop, which makes a lot more sense when you're not trying to describe it with words. Anyway, this weekend, from today until Sunday night, Tessa is hosting a pop-up shop at 99 Morning Lane, where you can buy crystals, nipple Ts and probably other kinds of things which are hard to imagine, but will make you feel like a queen. The shop itself is part of an initiative by a company who wants to open a gigantic outlet shopping mall, kind of like Bicester, if Bicester was in the middle of Hackney, just past the massive Tesco. Still, whether you agree with dreams of development or not, you can't argue with this space, which is being allocated to local designers rent-free. Plus, nipple T-shirts. Do I really need to stress that point more?



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I used to think that Ascot looked like literally the worst, most boring stupid event ever. Who wants to stand around in a marquee that smells of damp and manure, pretending to be able to walk in the wrap-around kitten heels they frantically dug out of their mum's wardrobe the night before? Now, I don't know what happened, but in my relative older age, I've started to be drawn in by the idea. First of all, hats. Hats look great on me (and I'm sure they look alright on you, too). Unless you make the horrible mistake of wearing a grey tophat, like that guy on the far left, but I trust that you wouldn't. When you break it down, apart from the aforementioned manure and likelihood that somebody in your party will think it's acceptable to bring cottage cheese to a picnic, Ascot really has everything going for it. Also, finding a rich, drunk future spouse is really high on my list of priorities right now.


Kim Kardashian may have birthed a human child with the worst name imaginable this week, but let's not overlook Rihanna, who birthed her second collection of make-up for global cosmetics brand M.A.C. Unfortunately, due to her previous range selling out in what I can only assume was under three minutes ("Hibiscus blush", anyone?), this lot seems to have done considerably less successfully, only managing to sell out in about two days. Can you imagine how gutted Kimye would have been if it had taken 48 hours for "North West" to sell out?



Happy Birthday to the Onistuka Tiger California sneaker. Ah, we love California. Who doesn't love the idea of drinking an avocado in a smoothie like that's a totally normal thing, or going on a fashion hike with Scarlett Johansson and Owen Wilson? Imagine if you lived in a place where the sun shone every morning and you could drive from the inner city to the ocean in like, half an hour. Yeah, it sounds great. Which is probably why this sneaker is still going strong 35 years after it was originally created.


Welcome to the new probably one-off section of FTR: Bruno's Friday Footwear!! This week, Bruno's wearing VANS Old Skool in "Ikea".

Follow Bertie on Twitter: @bertiebrandes

Previously – Rick Owens Has Done Something Quite Normal