O Week is essentially five sunny days of stressful, sweaty, forced social interactions. It's not a guaranteed good time, but something about it feels compulsory; it's part of the uni experience, like getting really into fire-twirling for one semester. Everyone knows that the only good part is the free stuff—you should be able to snag almost enough pens, USBs, tote bags and sausage sizzles to make up for the fact that you've got at least three years' worth of all-nighters ahead of you.
But it's almost over. To get you through the final day of the dark time that is "the most amazing week of your life", we've written a guide to the best and the less good orientation freebies on offer at campuses across the country.
Curtin University Student Guild
Free condoms and concert tickets
They pretty much nailed it, right?
University of Sydney Student Union
Free Shannon Noll concert
Somehow both incredibly relevant and irrelevant at the same time, Shannon Noll is the walking meme whose nostalgi-driven internet renaissance has revitalised a career that had been steadily descending into tragic post-Australian Idol anonymity. Noll's surprise 2016 O Week performance, complete with trademark sunglasses and tatts, was met with total rapture, as hundreds of eighteen year olds converged to see him sing his 2005 classic "Lift."
The bad news is it happened on Wednesday, so chances are you missed it. On the other hand it is probably viewable as a shaky smartphone video somewhere, so technically it still counts.
University of Adelaide Swing Dancing Club
Free swing dancing demonstrations
Bringing a sense of occasion to the O Week proceedings, the University of Adelaide's Swing Dancing Club will provide demonstrations of forgotten swing dances such as the 'Shim Sham'. For a truly classy O Day experience, follow up the dance showcase with a visit to the University of Adelaide Wine Club stall.
University of Adelaide Arts Student Association
Free baked goods
Ah, chocolate crackles. An Orientation Week classic, in the same class as the sausage sizzle or the fairy floss machine. While the University of Adelaide's Arts students don't score high on the originality scale, these do look delicious. Bonus points for the inclusion of honey joys—straight out of the CWA cookbook.
University of Sydney Conservative Club
Free ideological manifesto
The University of Sydney's Conservative Club stall is manned by some handsome young neocons. You could have a go at picking one of them up, along with your membership to the club and free copy of the latest issue of its official magazine, The Sydney Tory. If you want to skip to the good bits, you'll find a "moral case for economic freedom" on page 12.
University of Melbourne Student Union
Free tickets to a screening of Ghostbusters
What are the kids into these days? Young up-and-coming movie star Bill Murray, that's what. A retro but solid movie choice from the University of Melbourne Student Union, who are also putting on free barbecues and showbags for incoming students.
Flinders University Student Association
Free frisbee, sunglasses, pop rocks, and tote bag
The Flinders Union aren't messing around with their show bags. This is the kind of canvas tote you won't feel embarrassed to bring to class, and it's filled with some actually-okay merchandise, too. You feel like some market research definitely went into that logo.
University of Western Australia's Fashion and Beauty Appreciation Society
Free boutique beauty products
The super deluxe showbags from UWA's Fashion and Beauty Appreciation Society include cosmetics, fragrance samples, skincare samples, a notebook and stationery set, boutique sanitary pads, lollies, mascara, and gift vouchers for different fashion retailers. Sure beats a promotional USB.
University of Melbourne Students for Christ
Free homemade iced tea
Providing respite from an endless sea of faculty societies blaring competing Bruno Mars songs from Logitech speakers, the Melbourne Uni Students For Christ O Week stall offers the simple pleasures of homemade iced tea and bulk buy Arnotts mixed family biscuits. You might not be willing to convert, but a chill conversation about Jesus is a small price to pay for a few minutes in the shade accompanied by a refreshing beverage.
The article is presented in partnership with Captain Morgan