Kid Substitute Pet Owners have taken their cruel domination of animals to new, zoophilic lows since we first told them to fuck off. Those cutesy dog costumes were just part of a burgeoning KSPO industry bent on humanising the animal kingdom. What else can explain the arrival of the Chicken Suit, a zip-up outfit for poultry that enables owners to "let the individuality of your chicken run free!" Then there are horse shoes and sneakers…I don't care that they're for miniature guide ponies that help blind people. A horse wearing cowboy boots is ridiculous. They don't like it. For the betterment of both man and beast, stop it. Animals are not children. If you can't have kids, then adopt. But frankly, if you're the kind of person that downloads a .pdf of your wuff-wuff's horoscope, you will probably mollycoddle your kids so much that they will be grow up to be dysfunctional adults, therefore, you should be sterilised. PS: And stop letting the dog lick your mouth. It's deviant.