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Catholic Guilt for Jews

Growing up slightly Jewish (or Jewesque, as I like to call it) I was always jealous of Catholic girls. For one, if you attach the notion of "sin" to something it makes being bad much cooler.

Growing up slightly Jewish (or Jewesque, as I like to call it) I was always jealous of Catholic girls. For one, if you attach the notion of "sin" to something it makes being bad much cooler. What's the worst thing you can do as a liberally-raised reform Jew, refuse to go to college? Not be successful or learned? Come on. Rebellion isn't quite as fun when your rabbi is on

for rehabilitating neo-nazis like mine was. Catholic girls had all the best ways of fucking up and they really did it well. On top of that, Catholics have hands-down the best iconography. What makes a better tattoo, the Virgin Mary or some Hebrew script you don't understand the meaning of? What's cooler to hang around your neck, a giant cross or a Star of David? Being not only Jewesque but also a goth teen, I was always a sucker for a good rosary. My mom objected to it, not because I was turning my back on the People, but because she didn't want me to offend the Christians by appropriating their religious symbols. This is the same mom, mind you, who wouldn't let me wear a dog collar because she thought it somehow symbolized violence against women and also refused to let me watch Blossom. But I guess she had it hard. My entire Nebraskan elementary class was white, so we, as Jews, were about as exotic as it got. Better not to push anyone's buttons. Comedic genius Carlen Altman must have had a similar parental run-in in her goth years because, as anybody whose mom or nearest Jewish relation has access to a computer already knows about, last year she created a line of Jewish rosaries that have gone on to adorn the necklines of supermodels, JAPs, and withered old yentas alike. We still think they look rad and are excited that Altman is teaming up with our favorite petite elfin lass, Samantha Pleet to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah at Circa Now! tomorrow. It's the perfect event to score a sweet gift for your Jewish girlfriend or just get drunk and ogle other people's Jewish girlfriends. And to my fellow Jews, you can hang out with your people enjoying what we love most, bargains! BEVERLY HAMES