FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Vice Blog

DRUGS - BANDS THAT ARE ONLY LISTENABLE WHEN HIGH

There are bands that can trick the fuck out you while you're faced. Yeah, yeah, the list is too long to mention but there are certain bands that are seriously ONLY tolerable while snorted or stoned to the bejesus-belt. I'm not talking about seminal drug-dork bands like The Stones or The Dead. That garbage is too obvious and a waste of time to talk about. I've met enough coked up pussies with Stones tattoos whose fathers hate them or 20-something office workers who swear the Dead had "some killer bootlegs" to choke a sperm whale. I'm talking about bands that you hear for the first time during a good bender and think are the musical equivalent to the taste of Siousxie's brown eye but when you go back and give them a go straight it sounds more like Dennis Rodman's. Dead Meadow are a great example. White nerds who can afford Orange amps sounds great when you're blazed and like a cheese grater to the dick when you're not. Basically, these are a few bands that only diluted dorks will say are good sober.

Advertisement

By the way, this only comes to mind after attending the Melbourne Vice Party last Saturday and seeing all the cokers dancing to Ludacris. Here are a three good examples of what I'm talking about………..

MC5

OK, seriously, MC5 are the prime example of this. I don't give a fuck what any of you think. This band BLOWS unless you are high. There is no way that any of you out there give a shit about "brothers and sisters" or "kicking out the jams" or black people until you hog a line and then throw on "Back In The USA". Everyone knows that "High Time" is the jam anyway. The second the Stooges decided to be a band they stomped a mud-hole into the MC5. Anyone who wouldn't take "Funhouse" over some gap-toothed fruit with an afro yappin' on about revolution is obviously a disappointment to their father. Oh yeah, and, two words; "Tutti Frutti" Case closed.

ACID MOTHERS TEMPLE

I get it. You're white, you're almost done with art school and you have a friend who likes Dead Meadow. He invited you over for some curried tofu and to play you some killer jams he bought when he was in New York. "Dude, these guys are insane. I saw them at this sanctuary and I got sooooo reefed! It was like Asian Sabbath but better and longer, bro!" Any band that condones barefoot losers sitting down at their shows and calls their output "extreme trip music" are just asking for this dubious honor. Barely good while high but only palatable after a bucket bong.

Advertisement

The CARBONAS

Ok, pretty much any new garage-rock band falls into this category but these guys tick the taco. The last time I did coke was few years back in Austin, TX and a now ex-friend played me a Carbonas single. I was faced and the record sounded good. Real good. I was pumped because they were playing the next night. I showed up to their gig sober and was treated not to a raging time but to what looked like four kittens in leather jackets posing in front of a mirror. Pretty much the musical equivalent of the movie Steel Magnolias. Black Lips need some better friends.

Enjoy complaining about this and have a good Monday.

Love,

The John Mayer of the Punks, JSIII